A Talent Gone to Waste

   Once again, I am depressed.
   Yesterday afternoon right before I hopped in the shower, behind the safety of a locked bedroom door, I tried to do the Beyonce Booty Shake for the first time in a month. I know, it’s been awhile. Know that learning this dance is not like learning to ride a bike. Apparently it’s something that if you don’t use, you lose, and I have lost it. And that upsets me deeply.
   I worked so, so hard. I practiced. I concentrated. I spent many late nights perfecting this dance. I had it down to an exact science. I was the envy of…well, no one, because I could never bring myself to do this anywhere but my closet. Why, God, why–why would you bless me with this dandy talent only to take it away so soon? I didn’t even get to wow my husband with my amazing moves. That’s what hurts the most.
   Actually, it would’ve hurt HIM the most–I can hear him now: "My eyes! It burns!"
   No matter. I will keep working on it until I get my coordination back, until my butt muscles remember…until Beyonce herself calls and asks me to give her one-on-one toni-licious dance lessons. Hey–it could happen!
   On top of that, I think I have the mumps. It started out with a swollen something or other right above my jaw beside my right ear, and it aches when it touches anything. I mentioned it to Caleb, who teased me about having the mumps. His teasing went too far, and before long I was convinced. And so now here I am, about to go down south and pass this dread disease on to his dear sweet granny. My only hope is that if I do have the mumps, Caleb himself will get it and be sorry about making fun of me. That would make it all worthwhile.
   I hope everyone enjoys their weekend, where ever they may be. Don’t catch the mumps.

About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

6 responses to “A Talent Gone to Waste

  • Unknown

    did you hear that there is actually an outbreak of the mumps??  i hope you guys have a fun & safe trip!! 

  • Tiffany

    Oh Toni!!! I know your Beyonce dance can not be as bad as you are making it out to be.  If only I could do it.  I am too scared to even try.  Of course, my booty went when I gained so much weight (the reason no pic is ever posted of me) 
    I truly hope you do not have the mumps.  If you do, then all my wishes for you to get better.
    Be good, and I will ttyl….Tiffany

  • Sue

    I don’t want to hear about the booty dance.  Blondie does it without thinking about it and it ticks me off.  me? stuck with my 70’s thang going on.  The mumps is going around girl!  Granny probably had them when she was kid like myself, but you didn’t because the vaccine had come out by the time you were born.  I think my girls are going to have to get vaccinated because their is now a pretty sizeable outbreak at KU.  If you have mumps, believe me, you’ll know it.
    Hope you had a wonderful weekend!!

  • Mad Suburban Dad

    You are too funny!

  • Darcy

    Hey girl
    I hope you had a nice time at Granny’s despite having the mumps… I hope you can’t pass such things over the computer… I know, it sounds dumb now, but I’m sure one day that will be a possibility… in the meantime, be glad you can’t, because I have the FLU and I wouldn’t want to pass it around….
    Pics will be posted on Tuesday now, as I’m not going to work today :(  Will message you when they’re up :)

  • Tiffany

    I have never even attempted to shake my thang – I know I have no coordination.  Kudos for you for even trying in the closet! lol.. Hope you get it back – Tiff

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