Hot Sauce and Magic Pills

   Yeah, I know you don’t get the full effect of that, but that’s how the day started out for me. That’s not completely unusual–the noisy dogs, the screaming baby, the sound of that stupid alarm clock MAKING MY EARS BLEED. For some reason, Tuesdays, for me, are so much harder to handle than Mondays are.
   I hardly got a wink of sleep last night–which is not so bad in itself, but lying wide awake next to my peacefully snoozing husband just enrages me. How is it possible that he doesn’t hear the scratching, the biting, the heavy breathing of the dogs? Does he really sleep right on through their hideous farting, or is he ignoring it, fake-sleeping and hoping that I will be the one to get up and take them outside so they won’t take a gigantic crap at the end of our bed? Is he taking some kind of magic pill that knocks him out promptly at 9:00 p.m.? And if he is, where is he hiding it, and why isn’t he sharing? Freakin’ jerk.
   Mia’s been battling some vicious allergies the last couple days–making for some real heavy-duty tantrums. Yesterday she wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep, wouldn’t take ANY medicine. I tried everything. I had so many seemingly good tricks up my sleeve I should write them all down and have it published in a book entitled "How to Secretly Drug Your Toddler"–but she saw right through each and every last scheme. I even went so far as to try each trick 3 times over, with a different flavor medicine each time. Finally, I resorted to slipping a tiny amount of dye-free benadryl into a bedtime bottle–and in her sleepy state she can’t resist a bottle. YES! (Score: Mia 500, Mom 1)
   I’m going through a spicy phase–I’ve got a hankering for hot sauce ever since I came back from Texas, though being there is not what brought it on exactly. My father-in-law, the same man who turned me onto sugar and coffee, has gotten me started on a Tabasco-kick–and now I put it on EVERYTHING–just like he does. The man won’t go anywhere without a little bottle of the good stuff, and I swear he whips it right out of his sleeve at every meal. I used to make fun of him for this, but now I find myself JONESIN’ for hot sauce, even when I’m eating mashed potatoes, or pasta. Or a McDonald’s cheeseburger, like I ate Sunday…I would’ve asked for some then, but he wasn’t packing. Unless he was lying…hmmm. (Note to self: buy own travel-size jug of hot sauce.)

About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

7 responses to “Hot Sauce and Magic Pills

  • LH

    There is just NO way I could handle the dogs

  • Alicia

    Hi Toni!
    How come you didn’t come by sooner?  You are FREAKIN’ hilarious!  You MUST come by more!  I see we frequent some of the same people…I’m surprised we hadn’t "met" sooner!  Glad you liked my blog…I have a wicked good Mommy’s-day-from-hell- entry for tomorrow!  :)

  • David

    Well if it makes you feel any better….EVERYTHING wakes me up in the middle of the night!! And it is my pregnate wife that wakes me up when I do drift off the sleep because she has to pee every 30 min!!lol

  • Tiffany

    Your dogs would drive me crazy, but keep loving the Tabasco.  =) 

  • Kim

    Dogs …seems to be the theme of the day. 
    I feel for you on your lack of sleep.  Don’t hate me for this but I too can sleep through just about anything.  The baby monitor is about the only thing that will wake me up :)

  • Unknown

    i wonder if the hot sauce is a pilot thing.  my dad has a little
    bottle that he travels with.  like maybe they have to eat out so
    often and the food is always crappy… who knows.  is Mia still
    taking a night-time bottle? that’s precious – she’s still your
    baby!!  i’m sad she’s not feeling well though – those poor little
    ones get so out of character when they’re not up to par. 
    seriously, i couldn’t take the dogs.  and caleb IS probably
    sleeping because he doesn’t have mommy-super-sensory-skills.  you
    probably have been a mommy too long to remember what sleeping was like
    before we had babies! :)  you are super woman, i tell you .and by
    the way – what’s with the alarm clock? we haven’t needed an alarm clock
    since Caleigh was born, he he :) 

  • Sue

    Good Lord!  What is it with the Tabasco??  My 25 year old is the same way!  It goes on everything and carries it with her everywhere.  Freak of nature I call her. LOL.  Regarding your hubby and sleep… it’s called testosterone.  They all sleep like that.  Drives me nuts!  Fall asleep at the drop of a hat and up half the night. Too funny girl! 
    Sue : )

You must be logged in to post a comment.

%d bloggers like this: