Today I lost it.
   I mean I went completely postal. Everything–the nasty condition of our dogs, the nasty condition of our house…the nasty condition of Mia’s snotty nose…at about 10 minutes to 6, it all hit me, full force, and with a vengence. Must…make…list…
  1. IT ALL STARTED WHEN Smokey would not leave my side. Or, more accurately, would not get out from under me. I dealt with the chewed-up carpet with grace and dignity. I handled the little yellow puddle he left by the backdoor calmly and quietly. But it was his constantly being underfoot that sent me into a fit of rage this afternoon.
  2. I SPIRALED DOWNWARD from there, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and practically tossing him out the door into the garage, yelling at the top of my lungs, "I wish I never got you!", thus scarring him for life, and teaching him bad grammar at the same time.
  3. MY TANTRUM CONTINUED inside the house where I tripped over Shadow, who was a mountain in the middle of the kitchen where I was trying to cook dinner. "Get out of here! And stop breathing!" I knew I was just being mean at that point.
  4. THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK, and Darcy knew better than to come within 10 feet of me. She wisely ran and hid under Cheyenne’s bed. "And stay there!" I screamed at her, just for good measure, right before I started to bawl like a baby.
  5. I CAME BACK DOWN TO EARTH when I turned around and saw Mia, standing in the corner of the room looking scared and unsure. Here I was, her pillar of strength, crumbling. Nothing upsets like an upset parent, and Mia switched from her normal whine (which I had tuned out just to get through the day) to this small, pitiful voice, "Mommy…hug?"

   Nothing will put you in your place like a 1 year old with tears brimming in her big brown eyes. I feel plain evil. I know I don’t handle stress well, I know my limits, and I knew it was just a matter of time before I went psycho on the dogs, but to do it right in front of my kid…what kind of mother am I? It’s one thing for her to see me a tad upset; it’s an entirely different thing to witness the ultimate wrath of me–if it strikes fear into the heart of my big manly husband, than I know it freaked out the baby.

   I’m sure Caleb will read this and be horrified at the way I treated our precious pets. It is doubtful he will ever feel comfortable enough with my mental stability to leave me alone with our daughters again. (And baby, for the record, when I yelled at Shadow to "Stop breathing"–I didn’t mean "Die!", I just meant "Stop breathing SO HARD.") And after reading a few of the comments from yesterday’s blog, I’m positive that some of you will shake your heads and wonder what in the hell a woman like me is doing with so many animals in the first place…and I’d have to say I’m totally with you in thinking it.

   I spent all evening trying to make ammends with every offended family member, going so far as to give the dogs a quick bath–they hated it, I hated it–everybody’s happy…or, not happy. I took a million deep breaths when Smokey knocked a bowl of dogfood out of my hands and onto the ground, and I brushed Shadow for a good hour. We’re all even now.

   I gave extra special attention to Mia, so that she would see me as her Rock of Gibraltar once again instead of the stark-raving lunatic I became right before her very eyes. My, how the mighty have fallen.


About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

12 responses to “DOGS–FREE TO ANY HOME

  • Nikki

    Breaking down happens to the best of us. I’ve never gotten like that because of Ginny…but the freaking dog next door makes me turn psycho.  He just barks and barks and barks…They dont do anything to shut him up.  And the husband is a freaking K-9 cop!! He should be able to silence his dog or at least care that his dog is driving his neighbor freaking BATTY! lol
     You need a vacation.  Come see me! hehe.

  • Sheryl-Ann

    I know it must have been a little frightening for Mia to see her mother unravel, but it happens to the best of us.  I also think it is very important for our kids to know that life isn’t dandy all the time, and that parents have their moments and falter.  I am sure she has forgotten the human tornado that was in her house by now (smile).  Uhmmm, tell us why you have all those dogs again……..
    Hope you are having a great day.

  • LH

    It does happen to the best of us.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.  I know Jeff hates it when I breakdown like that, but sometimes it is all just too much. 

  • Sue

    Don’t sweat it girl.  It happens to all of us!  I can picture that scene in my head and I probably would have chased down each dog and tossed them out one by one.  When I would lose it, the girls would wait a short while and then come up to me and say "okay mommy, I give you a hug and make you feel better."  Or if they were the ones in trouble, "I’m sorry, I’ll give you a hug to make you feel better."  They still do it when they want something!  hehe  Baby sis who has one year old triplets and 3 year old is having one of those days, she calls me and only has to say "Jesus loves me!"  I know to get my a$$ over there.  LOL. 
    Hope today is a better one. 
    Sue : )

  • Alicia

    OK, first my funny comment…you think she’s scarred from this episode?  I’m sure she’ll see worse in the future!!  Remind me not to piss you off!!
    Seriously, though, she needs to know that parents have hard times too…and can break down.  Better she see it now then be all freaked out down the road…you’re entitled to a bad day, Toni!!!
    I’ve got an entry posted today that might make you forget about your meltdown briefly….
    HUGS!!  :)

  • Jaysey

    I think we all braek down every once and a while–hack, we have to just to keep our sanity!  Thanks for the advice and the compliment!

  • K

    The hardest thing to try and stop is the downward spiral into that dark place… and at times, all you can do is just go there… deal with it and pick up the pieces of that tornado.
    There is going to be a lot more of it in the next two weeks… so bare with it OK!  Remember that it has nothing to do with the animals… but usually something on the inside that is begging attention… to be addressed.  Read my posting about what is going to happen… it might shed a little light… and remember at the end of it all – the rewards will be great.
    No one thinks any less of you for being human.  We’ve all been there.  And a vacation like Nikki suggested… should be on the list of things to do… at the top!
    Ciao bella,

  • David

    A song comes to mind. "We are never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy"!!

  • barnyardmama

    sounds like somebody needs a vacation from the house-wife thing.  Tell Caleb he needs to dig up a babysitter for a few hours and take you OUT.  You need it.

  • TexasGirlJen

    Thanks for stopping by my space!
    I really like your space. I have a 15-month-old, so I can relate! That’s awesome you came to Texas. My grandparents live in Abilene — I am there quite a bit. My mother grew up there. I definitely know the type of landscape you are describing as well as the people…. and the Tobasco thing! LOL.
    Hey, I totally dig your cooler!
    I’ll be back..

  • Nooner™

    I hope Nikki lives near me.  She said in her comment "You need a vacation. Come see me!".  Wow, Nooney’s chance to see the two of you on one fell swoop!  (Just kidding! lol .. Don’t get heavy on me and say ‘Oh Geeze, not another one of those Looney old folk!’ .. lol)
    I’m a teaser.  And, from your visit to my site you may have noted I use humor to unwind. I traded comments with you back in mid April.  And, I’ve seen your name a couple times now in people’s comment sections, so I’ve meant to stop by to "check you out" again in more detail.  (Tell hubby "Hey, here’s another one of these online ‘beauts’ that says he may be competition for your attention!" .. lol)
    I relate so much to this blog of yours today, Toni. I had a down day yesterday. Been thinking today of blogging more in the future .. and bringing back more Nooner silliness.  But, what I adore most about Spaces is visiting others .. reading their thoughts .. and cheering them on (or telling them I am supportive of their issues if "cheering" isn’t the right term).
    Anyhow, I stop by to save your space to favorites.  To come back perhaps in the morning when I’m having coffee to read in greater detail.  And to say "thanks" for saying nice things to me on more than one occasion.
    An online friend,

  • Elizabeth

     Don’t feel too bad, it happens to the best of us and I guess it takes those bright eyes to bring us back down. Thanks for making me feel normal.

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