I know it’s been a few days. But believe it or not, I’m not still hungover. I’ve just been exceptionally busy watching bad movies and waiting for my birds to squeeze each other out of the nest. Oh, and DRIVING CHEYENNE TO SUMMER CAMP FAR, FAR AWAY.
   But, before I get into that, I feel compelled to tell you all, or warn you, rather, about this movie:
   Circa 1974. Sean Connery. Sporting a long, black ponytail and tight red panties and a sash. It’s not pretty. Even the unlimited boobage does not make up for how…just plain bad…and wierd…this movie is. I am beyond scarred.
   What made me watch the thing in its entireity? My husband. He was entranced by the floating stone head that said "Guns are good" in the beginning of the film, and refused to change the channel. I watched, in horror, for the most part. I wish I could better describe it–perhaps the words "STAY AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE" will suffice…
   Yesterday, I made the 3-hour-backwoods-po-dunk drive to Granite, Oklahoma, to drop Cheyenne off at a Girl Scout camp where she’ll be staying until Friday. It looked like a pretty nice place–the cabins were cute–there were horses…but before I could even get so much as a good-bye tear in the kids were whisked off to the pool for a swimming test. I didn’t even get to hug the girl! She didn’t seem to mind, but I was about to die–especially when a bewildered Mia started screaming, "Sissy? Sissy! SissAAAAAAAY!"
   Talk about breaking a heart.
   I’m sure she’s having a blast–I say this with as much confidence as a parent who cannot communicate with her daughter can…they’re not allowed to call home, and the mail…well, it takes a few days of course. I keep wondering how she slept, what all they’ve done, is she drinking enough water, is she constipated?…The weather’s been nice, so I know she’s not totally boiling in those non-electric, non-air conditioned bunks…but I’m still worried about the constipation thing. I’m glad she never reads these blogs.
   Caleb has officially thrown his back out. He had to stay home yesterday after moaning all night long–I don’t know exactly what did it, but I suspect it had something to do with the birthday festivities…
   Anyway, I’ve been massaging, icing, medicating…he’s pretty much parked his crippled butt on the couch the past couple days, and has hobbled around a precious little bit with the aid of a back brace. I feel sorry for him–it kills him to have to sit still, and now it kills him to move. The poor man.
   Our birds have exploded into balls of gray feathers–I can see them easily now without the aid of a stepladder since they no longer fit down into the nest. There are officially five of them, and each day they get a little bigger–I am betting that here before the end of the week, I will find at least one of them splattered all over the front porch. It’s just inevitable.
   Well, that’s the news according to me. I’ll try to read some later on in the week if I’m not too distraught about my missing-in-action kid. Thanks for the Happy Birthday wishes!

About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

14 responses to “ZARDOZ

  • Unknown

    i remember the days of girl scout camp SO WELL.  honestly, they
    are some of the best , most treasured memories of my childhood. 
    poor Caleb.  what will Mia do this week without Sissy?? 

  • Darcy

    How do you stop the babies from jumping out of the nest?  Can you put something under it so they bounce a little?  Obviously I’ve never had contact with nature, because I didn’t know it was inevitable that they’d die…. Boo!
    Glad you had a good celebration… and i’m sure Cheyenne is fine… and not constipated… and quick question… why is THAT the thing you’re worried about the most?  Does camp make people constipated?  I’ve never been to camp, so I don’t know…. enlighten me?
    Love ya

  • Michael

    And here I had thought you had been thrown in the slammer for festivities that got out of hand…;) 
    Hope YOU survive camp…!;)

  • Sheryl-Ann

    Welcome back, Toni and glad you had a fantastic birthday even if it seems like you almost killed Caleb in the process (wink wink).  I hope he feels better soon.
    I am sure your daughter is enjoying camp……hope she isn’t constipated (smile) – that is too funny!  Friday will be here before you know it.
    Have a great day.

  • Andrea

    My hubby does that often.  We have a great chiropractor.  He also blames it on me.  Your oldest will be fine.  The poor baby will miss her big sissy.  Enjoy the days and keep track of things to update her on. Don’t write really long letters she will be to busy to read.  And she really does miss you guys too.  I am glad you are doing ok.  Well I wanted to ask about Turners Falls was it worth the trip and what did you find to do?  We are planning to go in a few weeks, so if you get the chance let me know. 

  • InkaDinka

    THose bird pics are adorable…that snake is disgustingly huge…

  • barnyardmama

    Is she constipated?  Is that the sort of things mothers think about? Jeeez.  That’s terrible. 
    Cheyenne probably misses you terribly, but will probably not admit it.  I HATED summer camp.  That was three and a half weeks of me discovering that I am not a nature person.
    And Hub’s and their bad movies–that is the reason that I am going to have to cancel HBO.  I cannot take it any more.

  • Sue

    Good Lord girl, you better be thankful Cheyenne doesn’t read this!  LOL.  I’m sure she is fine.  The worrying while they are gone at camp the first time is a rite of passage thingy.  Girl Scout camp is a piece of cake.  She will be fine I’m sure.
    Now… Poor Caleb.  After trying to please you on your birthday, no wonder the man threw his back out!  Any other damage done?  I do hope he is feeling better soon.  Tell him to call the doctor and get some of those nice pills that make you feel better while you have to lay there watching weird Sean Connery movies. (that comes from a doc’s wife, so pretty much an order). 
    Birdies are SO cute.  I was showing lil sis spaces cause she’s thinking of doing it and with triplets… that girl has material!  I showed her yours and KM’s as examples and we loved the baby birdies!!!!  
    Have a good day, and keep busy taking care of sweetie pie so you don’t worry about Cheyenne!
    : ) Sue

  • Laura

    what a good mom. I would have broke-down crying (sissy! SisAAAAYYY!!!)
    I have leverage over BMac when it comes to movies and disagreeing about what to watch. See, he wanted the premium package with DVR when we were getting cable. I said it was too expensive, etc. He made a deal with me that I couldn’t refuse. If we ever disagreed on what to watch, we would record his show on DVR, and watch my show instead. To this day, I still use this power over him… what a great deal!
    Love the pictures btw. Especially the lego houses and Mia in the mud… she looked a little confused there (looking at her hands covered in mud not sure what to do)

  • barnyardmama

    I forgot to tell you–I like the changes you’ve made around here. 
    Those birds are so cute.

  • miranda

    WHAT I would give to have been given that advice a few years earlier….

    I was subjected to a screening of the atrocity, aka Zardos, by my step dad.

    I still haven’t forgiven him.


  • barnyardmama

    We stop in Ft. Walton to visit his brother and then we go on to Sarasota, which is less Redneck, I guess.  We were Destin people for years.
    I know what you mean about people who aren’t from there: we had friends from the West Coast and they were like, "wow, you guys go to Florida every year?"  You take it for granted when it’s within driving distance.

  • Nooner™

    Hi Toni,
    Thanks so much for all your nice words! We grew apart a bit .. happens on blogland on occasion :(.
    Kewl to read about Cheyenne and Girl Scout Camp. Brought back for me a couple memories of my Foofer and her Dad (me!) on Fall Weekends at her camp. I wrote a thingie about it once .. maybe around Father’s Day .. I’ll have to reread what I wrote. Anyway, you take care. Miss visiting you as much!

  • David

    Sounds like you will have some time to just veg out with the little one at day camp!!! Enjoy yourself!!

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