Giving a toddler a bath is no easy task. It involves risk; determination; and an extreme love of splashing. And in some cases, earplugs and beer.
Always expect the bathing process to be everything opposite of what you have prepared yourself for. For instance: Fast=slow. Dry=soaking. Calm and soothing=rambunctious pool party that ends with you and 3 naked Barbie dolls in the tub while the actual child is on the loose somewhere on the other side of the house.
On occasion, I like to draw up a nice, warm bubble bath for me and Mia. Sometimes I do it to save time. Today I did it to waste time. Mia was in a mood, as usual, and I’m counting the minutes until I can put her down for the night. So I thought this would be a nice way to pass away an hour…or at the very least 15 minutes.
It started out wonderfully. We poured in about half a bottle of Mr. Bubble, the sun was streaming in through the window…Mia tenderly poured water over my knees and we both made bubble hats for ourselves…I felt like I was laying in a tubful of clouds. For a moment, I imagined it’s what heaven would be like.
And then my dear child ever-so-lovingly patted my tummy and said "BIG belly."
She then pointed to herself and said, "Little belly."
My mood wavered and then Mia gave me a big hug and said, "HAPPY big belly. Happy mommy."
You know, the kid has it all figured out.
Then she giggled and said, "Oops! I pooted!"
And then a huge, vibrating noise. And another smile from Mia. "Oops! I pooted again! Mommy–poot too?"
"No, Mia, I do not need to poot. Do you want to go sit on your potty?"
"No. I want to stay in the tub…noooo…I…want…(grunts)…A DIAPEEEEEE! NOWWWWW!"
I jumped out of the tub and grabbed her towel, but we ended up having to take a shower after the bath anyway.