Update–not for the kiddies.

My mom. Is. Awesome. Awesome.
I’m down in Florida, have been since 1:30 a.m. Tuesday morning, and we had the notorious bachelorette party last night–complete with a tricked out limo for 14 lovely ladies, drinks out the yin-yang, and hats. Crazy hats. It was our theme.
I will most certainly be posting pictures of this party, mainly because I got to see my button-the-top-button-goody-too-shoes sister get wild, but even better, MY MOM BOOTY DANCED. At Phinneas Phoggs, in Seville Quarter, to a little ditty that went something like, "Shake that ass, bitch, and let me see whatcha got." And then the whole club pretty much broke out in a chorus of "Go white girl! Go white girl!" As she and my little sister dropped it like it was hot on the dance floor. Fabulous.
She cannot walk today.
No, really. She’s limping and not loving life.
My other little sister, the one getting married, had a good time. I didn’t think she had it in her to do all the stuff on her bad girl list, but she completed every last task. I’ll give a sample of said list. If you know Jenny, this will be extra hilarious.
  1. Get a guy to give you the condom right out of his wallet.
  2. Get 3 numbers in one bar.
  3. Call one of the numbers immediately and breathe heavily into the phone.
  4. Get a picture with a cop, holding his night stick.
  5. Hit on a pretty woman.
  6. Give a stranger a lapdance.
  7. Get a piggyback ride from a stranger.
  8. Dance on a tabletop/bar/pole.
  9. Find a bachelor and get him to buy you a shot.
  10. Lead everyone in solemn prayer in a bar.
  11. Kiss a guy named James.
  12. Kiss someone’s tatoo.
  13. Have a guy write his number somewhere hidden on your body.
  14. Dance with a bald man.
  15. Do a body shot off a hot guy.
  16. Get a hot guy to chip in $5 for your wedding. (She came out with $15)
  17. Ask a guy with large muscles if you can feel them.
  18. Spank a hot guy lightly 3 times.
  19. Make farty armpit noises/pick your nose for a hot guy.
  20. Do the lawnmower in the middle of a club.

And she did them all. With gusto. We had such a marvelous time. Can’t wait for these pictures to come back.

The rest of the trip is going well–very busy, but well. I’ve gotten to spend at least a few minutes with my friends and Caleb’s side of the family. His dad is being our saviour by dog-watching and lending us his house and car. My mom is officially unhinged, my dad is calm as can be, much like the bride and groom. Things should really get interesting today–the rehearsal dinner, the rest of the family coming in town…

Oh. You guys all have a great weekend.


About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

6 responses to “Update–not for the kiddies.

  • miranda

    THAT sounds like the bachelorette party I never had and always wanted…Glad you’re having a good time.

  • barnyardmama

    Ahhh the memories–I think a night like that would kill me at this point.  Those scavenger hunt things are the best.
    Toni–wanted you to know that the previous post in NO WAY offended me.  Just picture me in an Oprah-esque way telling you not to be so hard on yourself.  We all deal with things in different ways and some are healthier than others.  Plus, sometimes we just want to wallow.  I just want you to realize that the crazy feelings are failry normal and we all have them.
    So glad that you’re having a good time.

  • Nikki

    I’m so glad you are having a good time in P’cola! I literally laughed out loud picturing your mom booty dancing!!!  Give my love to everyone!  Tell Jenny Congratulations!!!

  • Unknown

    nice space you have

  • Andrea

    Sounds like funn!!  Why do I always get left out??  I need people like you around.  I think you could get me to go a little wild.  I hope you have a great time and I look forward to the pics…

  • Michael

    Hey Toni…just dropping by to say hi….#18 spank a hot guy lightly 3 times…??  I think you should have had this evening on video…
    Take care of yourself…

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