Alright. You know when an Oprah episode holds my attention for more than 2 commercials, the topic is good. And being that 2 other bloggers on here elaborate on the same subject, I’m not going to withhold my opinion.
What is my opinion? The truth is I’m not even sure. I would’ve written in on this a while back, but I’ve been searching for words that accurately describe the emotion that come with the thought of marriage and what it really means to me personally.
It seems many people enter this commitment with roses and candles on the brain–their ideal relationship would involve all things chocolate thrown in with endless pledges of love and devotion…as someone who’s been married twice (yeah, sometimes I hate admitting that, and perhaps that totally invalidates anything I have to say on the matter) I can honestly say, and I hate saying it, that Oprah…is…right. We’ve been totally screwed by romance in this country.
Maybe marrying young was the only problem the first time around. (Oh, you think?!) I went in with the highest of expectations…and came out with many lessons learned only 2 years later. Why bother with marriage when my own proved to be a disaster, and most other married couples I knew seemed equally miserable?
Obviously that was just the pain of divorce talking, because less than a year after the paperwork was signed, I met Caleb. It’s crazy how easily we put behind bad memories when certain people come along. I fell in love with him so fast and so hard and I can honestly say it was a feeling unlike any other I had ever felt. Marriage wasn’t on my mind; I only knew that he was a person I wanted to be around…a person that I would’ve been happy to be able to count as just a friend. But I loved him, I loved him…and I wanted him in my life as long as he wanted to stick around.
Getting married the second time has its advantages. I don’t claim to be any wiser, by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have more realistic expections. The relationship I have with Caleb is the least selfish relationship I’ve ever had with anyone, save my children…although I know I still have my "me" moments…and unfortunately they’re not as few and far between as I’d like to think they are.
Caleb is a good human being. He is kind, and warm. He’s strong in both mind and body, and I trust him and respect him. But I know that to count on one single person for every ounce of my happiness is just asking for trouble. I know that he will never be able to meet my every need or cater to my every whim. I could survive without him.
My husband doesn’t "complete" me; he complements me. He gets me–and that is a tremendous feat in itself. He gets me and lets me be me…if that makes any sense. I have a feeling it does to the people who know me personally. We are very opposite in some ways–but we have many of the same ultimate goals, the same ideals. We have a strong friendship…the romance makes an appearance when time and energy (and Mia) allow.
I think a lot of people, maybe even subconciously, are out there thinking "What can this person offer me? What can this person do for me?" when entering into a marriage…and that’s where they get it wrong; that’s where I got it wrong the first time.
I won’t lie; I’m not totally giving and unselfish. I know I could use some work in that department. But my biggest wish for my husband is to be happy; I hope he is comfortable and at peace with himself no matter where life takes him.
Caleb; tomorrow is an anniversary of sorts for us–the day we met. What a night. You were so charming; and you danced like nobody’s business. To this day I’ve never known anyone who could be such a dirty bastard and yet act like the perfect gentleman as good as you. You make me laugh. I know that we will continue to grow and change; I look foward to it. I’m sure in 50 years, as I’m pushing you in your wheelchair, huffing and puffing through the sand of a beautiful beach somewhere, taking a hit from your oxygen tank every couple steps because, after all, I’ll be close to 80 by then, I’ll lean over and whisper "I love you" and mean it just as much as I did the first time I said it. And through your electronic voice combobulator, you’ll try to say it back, only you’ll sound like a computerized Arnold Schwartzenagger…but I’ll know what you mean.