Thank you. Thank you, GLAMOUR magazine, for what was probably the best day of my life.
Or at least my week.
I’m going to come right out and admit it: I do occasionally suffer bouts of severe hypochondria(yes, along with the obsessive-depressive-maniacal-list making). Today, after reading a short but handy little article on three very vague symptoms of ovarian cancer, I decided that I was quite possibly dying and needed to live accordingly. It took all of 40 seconds to make this assessment.
Knowing how limited my time on this Earth was, I first began worrying. Wait! I haven’t taken Mia on a fairy-hunt through the woods! I haven’t taken Cheyenne backpacking through Italy! Caleb and I have never had a couples’ massage for Christs’ sake! What about the matching tatoos we’ve been planning to get? I haven’t EVEN gotten to hold and cuddle with a baby chimpanzee!
And I had an insatiable hunger for frozen blueberries!
I leapt–leaped?–into action. Mia and I yoga-bootied to get our minds right. Never had a deep cleansing breath been so…cleansing. Next, we dumped a ton of frozen blueberries into a tupperware container and headed out to the clubhouse for a chowdown and a swing. Then, while Mia was taking a nap, I treated myself like the freakin’ goddess that am and took a hot bath. I finally tried that lemon juice-brown sugar and honey concoction I’ve been curious about for so long. The brown sugar left me surprisingly soft, the honey left me sticky, and I don’t recommend using anything "lemony" right after you shave your legs.
When Mia woke up, it struck me that I needed to get out and move around. So we danced to Disney Girls That Rock. And then, I wanted to run! And so, freshly scrubbed and squeaky-clean, I ran-jogged-fast walked-walked-schlepped-slowly around the block, Mia cheering in the stroller, Hannah Montana blazing through my mind ("You get the beeeeeeeeeeeeessssstttt of both worlds!"). I forgot how incredibly beet-red my face gets when I run. I think that’s why I stopped running–I scare people.
I’m sure even those who live life to the fullest keep up with their daily responsibilities, so I took a break from the me-time and swept, folded clothes, and fed dogs before eating fried fish and cherry pie for dinner with the girls.
All in all, a pretty damn good day for someone who was just self-diagnosed with cancer. I know it’s nothing to joke about, but my mind was in full-swing "what if?" mode and it got the best of me. I might not be scheduled to climb mountains or bungee jump anytime soon, but can’t I just enjoy the "everyday"? I got to thinking, and I made a short LIST of ordinary things to do for the rest of my life (Thank Goodness the computer can’t mess up my handwriting; I’d be here all night.)
  • Eat chocolate. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
  • Cuss only around adults, and only every other day. On your off days, replace all the fucks, shits, and hot-damns! with Geez Louise, Eye-y-eye, Holy Mackerel, maybe even the occasional Oh Corn! How does one spell "Eye-y-eye" anyway?
  • Dance with my kids. And maybe my dogs. And if Caleb’s not too busy laughing at me, dance with him.
  • Attempt Caleb’s trick of skimboarding down the driveway in a rainstorm. That was just cool.
  • Make contact with the barnswallows living (yet again) in our entryway. Feed the babies mashed up worms while Caleb distracts the mommy and daddy.
  • Take one country drive per week, without squashing any turtles. 
  • Call all my grandmas more than once a year. And send them flowers just for the hell of it.
  • Perfect a great recipe with a secret ingredient and get the family hooked on it long enough for them to be really aggrivated when I die and take said secret ingredient with me to my grave.
  • Talk to a farmer about having a picnic right smack dab in the middle of one of his fields; I’ve always wanted to do that.
  • Find a damn chimpanzee to cuddle with. Life’s just too short to let that dream pass me by.

Pretty attainable goals, right? I may or may not get started on them just yet. But at least my legs are soft.


About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

10 responses to “WISH LIST

  • Tiffany

    Once again completely amazed and maybe even a little jealous!  :)  I SO want to stay home NOW with Baylee.  I’ve been very patient with this whole house selling thing.  But, dammit… how long is it going to take?  Will Baylee be in 1st grade before I get to do it?  I sure hope not!  So, I’m learning patience. 
    As I type this I wonder what the teacher’s at Baylee’s school are teaching her today!  UGH!
    Hugs – Tiffany

  • Nooner™

    Hey Toni :-)
    Hopefully this visit you noticed that my smut is much less tame than last year .. lol.
    I lost a few readers just around the time of some of my heavenly writing last year — at least, I thought it was heavenly — I guess some thought it was downright sinful .. lol. Anywoo, I figured I’d tone down a couple of notches so as not to offend the young-folk as much .. HaHa. Seemed to me I lost everyone who was 30 and below.
    So, thanks for stopping by. I was glad to come by and read anew about Caleb, Cheyenne and Mia!! Oh, and you too, of course 😉
    Your girls are getting so big I imagine! Wonderful. Hey, please get a 15 sec video clip up on YouTube of Caleb doing the slimboarding slip ‘n slide down the driveway. I gotta see that (and learn that move)!
    Going to the Chicago get-a-way? I think you should. Tell Caleb it’s way-okay ’cause some nice very ol’ guy named Nooner will be the chaparone and make sure everything is on the up and up .. lol.

  • Normal Every Day Life

    Sounds like you had a very good day!!  I often think of the whole  " Live life like it is your last day"  I wish I had that state of mind more often!!  Have a great weekend!!

  • Bev

    Toni – Hi from another Okie!!  I also live in a suburb…only Tulsa is our "big city."  I have only recently set up a blog after being one of those horrible "lurkers" for a long time.  I really enjoy your blog and just love reading about your beautiful girls, your dogs (I have four also!!) and hubby.  Kudos to you for beginning to live each day as if it was your last!!  You are so young and I am sure life holds many more wonderful moments for you.  Enjoy them all!!
    Have a great weekend!!

  • barnyardmama

    Great list ms. thang–I’ve been a little obsessive about death these days–I think it has to do with being off the meds!!!
    I wonder what i’d put on my list?

  • Unknown

    Is it just me or does that "Nooner" guy sound a little um…..bit of a perv?

  • Hilary

    Oh corn????  That is so damn hilarious.  I’ve never heard that!  I also like the yoga-bootied is now a fully acceptable verb in your blog!  You crack me up Toni, I’m glad you had so much fun! :)PS  I can’t wait for a great time to bust out oh corn.

  • Stepmonster... some call me wicked

    I just stopped by after you stopped by after stopping off at Sherry’s place ….. and you are funny…. I think I like you.

  • Sheryl-Ann

    All my list would have is travel travel travel.  There are so many places I would like to go (sigh).  I do not obsess about death but it seems even more real to me these days……………  Hope all is well with you and the family.

  • Joell

    After visiting barnyardmama’s page (it was featured on the spaces live page), I visited your page too.  You are hilarious!!!  I was cracking up and my family was looking at me like I was crazy!!  You sound like my kind of people!  Thanks for the great laugh and great read!!  Have a happy Friday!!

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