Am I Missing Something?

I’m writing not because I’m largely inspired; but because I have this computer now and I feel obligated to at least update.
I’ve been drawing and painting and calligraphy-ing. Maybe that’s why I do not feel the need to write lately–the creative urge is being met in other ways.
The weather here is nice at the moment; this past weekend we had a ton of rain and we’re scheduled for more of it starting again on Friday.
My sister and her husband found out what they’re having and when they’re having it; a little girl due the first week of January. I’m freakin’ thrilled for them; at the same time, I can’t help but be a little…jealous? Well it’s not really the word I want to use, because it doesn’t feel like jealousy…it’s a little sadder than that. For the life of me I can’t understand why, in the past 2 years of trying, have we not been able to get pregnant? People are getting knocked up left and right! Sometimes it seems like everything goes perfectly according to plan…for everyone else. I should know better than to question these things; it’s worked before, it’ll work again. Have faith, yada yada…fine fine fine.
Our other friends, the ones I’ve deemed "The Golden Couple" are also having their second child the very same week my sister is due. They planned to get pregnant in March; they did. They knew they were having a girl; they are. And a good thing to, because that kid’s room was already pink and purple. What is their secret?
I’ve been to the doctor several, several times for tune-ups…despite a few setbacks early on in the trying stages, things seem to be back in order. I go again on Friday for a few more blood tests–I guess to make sure all systems are a go. To be honest I’m not sure I’d be up to taking any medicine; I’ve been at a pretty even keel emotionally for an enjoyable little while–I don’t want to screw that up by downing hormone pills. And I don’t even want to think about fertility drugs.
Why–WHY–was it a piece of cake to have the first two kids–both at times in my life when getting pregnant was just about the worst thing in the world that could’ve happened to me–and now, now, when I’m more than ready, I’m trying my darndest; buying kits and peeing on sticks, just waiting on pins and needles for that baby #3 to rear its pretty little head…why not now? I just want to pop out one last one–and then get everything yanked out of me before any more major problems develop.
I just reread the last 2 paragraphs. I apologize for the graphic nature of this blog. Yikes.

About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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