Ah, my dad. Patient. Gentle. Wise. Kind. Corny.
Anyone who’s ever met the man will liken him to the dad on all the "American Pie" movies. I love him for that. His speeches are legendary. His best lectures are permanently embedded in the minds of me, my sisters, my friends, and my sisters’ friends. As much as it sounds like I’m ripping on him right now, it’s those words of wisdom that have actually inspired me through some of my toughest times.
It’s that loving corniness that I think about today. If only I could come up with a little speech of my own to get Cheyenne smiling again. She’s officially back in her "slump", if she was ever really out of it to begin with. I won’t go into detail, but I will say that life as a 6th grade girl can suck caboodle. I’ve got nothing. I went through it, my sister Jenny went through it, and my sister Katie caused it with a number of poor girls…maybe she could provide some insight.
Yesterday afternoon, for the 4th time this week, I picked Cheyenne up. As I made my way around the drive I saw her from a distance–head down, shoulders slumped, and a sadness in her face that almost made me cry. It wasn’t the normal 11-year-old fakey "I-had-a-bad-day-let’s-get-some-ice-cream" scowl. Everything about her looked miserable, dejected, though she brightened a little when she saw my car. I cringed. The one reason I am picking her up from school is so she can have more time for after-school stuff; I’m beginning to think I’m rescuing her, hiding her…and helping her to NOT face her problems.
It’s a lonely time for a kid. Cheyenne was, again, nearly in tears during a little heart-to-heart last night. All I could do for the first little while was listen and nod. She was a little taken aback when I said, "Yes, you’re going to have it rough," and "Sometimes you don’t keep friends forever–a person is extremely lucky to have even one good friend in life."
"That’s not exactly encouraging, Mom," she moaned.
"Well…it can be true. You might stay best friends with the same person all through middle school and high school, but more than likely, you’ll go through several different friends and you will all change tremendously by the time you graduate."
"Ug. I don’t even know why I bother talking to you."
I’ll admit, I haven’t neccessarily been the peppiest of parents. But I try. I’ve got some beginner speeches that have knocked her socks off–though maybe not in the way I had planned. Take for example my what-I’m-sure-will-one-day-be-legendary "Freedom is Like Candy" Address: Once you are allowed to have some, you can’t go berserk. That little doozie meant to convey the importance of responsibility along with priviledge. With as *well* as it went over, I was cautious to launch into my latest motivational speech.
"Chin up, Cheyenne," I said.
"What? Huh?"
"Chin up. Keep your head held up high. You don’t have to look at the ground. Stand up straight and tall. Who cares what people say or think? When you let it get to you, you give those people power. You’re a sweet girl, a smart girl. It doesn’t matter if anyone else knows it–you know it, and I know it. You’re Cheyenne-Freaking-Taylor and don’t you forget it. You’re brilliant. You’re pretty. You’re funny, and you’re kind."
"Yeah! I’m a kind, decent, gentle and compassionate human being! With a heart as big as a lion!" she laughed. There’s my girl–throwing back to classic Will Ferrel when the going gets tough.
"I’m serious, Cheyenne! You have a lot to pride yourself on. Sometimes you’re going to have to ignore people. Sometimes you’re going to have to face things on your own. But have faith in yourself and always remember that Caleb and Mia and I love you, and we’re here for you no matter what. Even this baby loves you! It just told me to tell you that! Listen: It’s speaking in a crazy Spanish accent. Can you heeeer eeet?"
"No," she giggled.
"Hola chica! Mucho bueno! Quesadilla! You mama wants you to go get her some frijoles!"
"Now I know why Mia wants to name it Dora or Diego!"
Cheyenne was a little cheered, although I don’t know if she felt any better about her situation at school. I tossed and turned all night knowing there’s nothing I can do except be goofy and offer lame advice from time to time.
If I think back, Dad’s lectures never brought any encouragement or laughs at the moment they were given. Only much later did I take them out and use them and appreciate them–and I could do that because I committed them to memory over the course of my teenage years. So maybe there’s hope for me–while Cheyenne might not understand our talks now, she’ll be comforted at some point in time or another. And who knows? She might even use my "Freedom is Like Candy" Lecture with her own children.
FIGHTING INSANITY 
October 27th, 2007 at 4:04 PM
I too have one of "those" dads. I hear myself saying his words from time to time.
Methinks I will be adding the "freedom is like candy" lecture to my repertoire!
Middle school was just atrocious for me. Each week brought a new drama and new heartache and a new best friend. She’ll survive intact. And you’ll be there to help pick up the pieces. What’s a mama for?
October 28th, 2007 at 3:52 PM
Kids at any age can just be so cruel. I think 6th through 8th grades are really tough on girls especially. My granddaughter went through some stuff last year. Our kids pulled her out of school and homeschooled her for the rest of the year. She is back in public school right now and seemingly doing well. Are there any volunteer organizations that your daughter could get involved in? Sometimes just getting the focus off ourselves is a help. Just a thought. Cheyenne sounds like a wonderful young lady. I hope she finds her niche and just bet that she will especially since she has a wonderful Mom in her corner!!
BBB
October 29th, 2007 at 1:21 AM
I was insanely miserable in junior high…and almost everyone is, but when you’re going through it, or worse, watching your child go through it, its amazingly hard! The girls at my high school are so mean! But I feel so bad for them too, just remembering how hard I had it at that age! I love that Mia wants to name the baby Diego or Dora… :)
October 29th, 2007 at 9:10 PM
I think telling her to keep her chin up is great advice. Seriously, most middle schoolers are spooked by someone with self-esteem. It might just keep the bitches at bay. Have you read Queen Bees and Wannabees–I’d say it’s definitely time.
I am so glad you are enjoying your enigma. I have another friend who’s due in May and I’ve been hounding her about names. She thinks it’s girl #2, so I’m really interested to see what she picks.
Great entry about teen sex–I was lucky that I went to Catholic school and most of us were too scared to even consider it. Still, I’ll probably arm my youngins with an arsenal of whatever they want.
KM
October 29th, 2007 at 9:42 PM
Poor thing! Being a young girl is so hard, it always kills me when girls don’t look out for each other. I used to sit around being really sorry for myself for not having that one life long friend, so I can kind of understand her there. I moved enough that I never got to make close friends when I was young and we finally settled down when I was in middle school and stayed there until I graduated high school. I thought for sure I’d met friends I’d have forever and guess how many I still talk to on a regular basis? Zero. I totally grew away from them and made new friends that suit where I am in life now. My sister on the other hand made friends with a set of twins while in kindergarten and now they are all in high school (different schools for the first time, this year) and they are still besties. Sometimes I’m still envious of that. I really, really, really hope things start looking brighter for Cheyenne.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:01 PM
I couldn’t help but comment on this one.
Amen to all the previous comments about the miseries of that age. When I was going through that phase, what snapped me out was my parents buying me a fantastic horse, which opened up a whole new world for me. I began riding and showing, which taught me that I could find happiness elsewhere, through pursuit of my own dreams.
Not to say that you need to buy her a horse! But maybe allowing her to start doing something crazy and exciting she’s always wanted to try will at least distract her and give her some self confidence. Along with the great advice you’re already giving her!