Where Did I Go Wrong?

Week 12, day something. Thursday. Story time at the library day.
My mom has asked me to put together a few Christmas lists so she can get her shopping over with and presents sent out. I told her I don’t care what kind of noisy-ass toys she buys my kids as long as they’re small. Our entryway has become an unofficial playroom. I swear. In it, we have a table and chair set, a big honkin’ artists easel, a plastic beauty salon complete with a plastic chair, a Dora shopping cart and a tricycle. NO MORE BIG STUFF! We have run out of room. One more huge toy and I’ll be forced to make a trip to the Salvation Army, which I ought to do anyway because my kids have a lot of stuff as it is. Spoiled? Yes. But not yet rotten. So sue me.
Mia is naturally drawn towards "boy" things; it would be funny but this is a stage that’s lasted over a year and she shows no signs of growing out of it. I missed having my little "girl"–my dress-wearing, doll-playing, semi-dainty mama’s girl. Mia will tell anyone who will listen that SHE IS A BOY. And not just a boy, a stinky boy, she says. And to describe her as a "tomboy" is an understatement by far. She wants nothing to do with traditional girl’s toys and instead just naturally gravitates towards Spider-man figurines and Diego paraphanelia. At Halloween she had no desire to dress as a princess, or a fairy, or even a witch. It was all I could do to get her to not be a Ninja-Turtle. She’s super active and she loves sports and playing rough. It’s cute, and I don’t dare try to change it, but…
Did we go overboard in the beginning? Trying so hard to not have a super-uber-feminine-cry-baby child that we made her be just the opposite?
I wonder what the next one will be like. If it’s a boy, will I try so hard to make him NOT grow up to be pig/jerk/asshole that he’ll be wearing dresses before he’s 5? This raising kids stuff is hard.
It’s cold here; my body is in shut-down mode. I don’t want to move–don’t want to get out of my cozy jammies, out from under my cozy blanket…hot chocolate and cookies appeal to me a whole hell of a lot more than a nutritious salad does. I’m cranky. The very thought of going for my daily walk makes me sleepy–rather than put on my sneakers and hitting the pavement, I’m hopping into a nice hot bath and settling down for the evening. I’d make a great bear. I could hibernate like nobody’s business. The fact that it’s dark at 5:30 doesn’t help; thank God the time change only lasts until early March this year.
Watched "Elf" last night for no reason. Maybe I’m just too eager for Christmas. I can’t remember exactly who said this; but somebody I know doesn’t like Elf. I’m sure I love that person, but seriously? You don’t like Elf? Have you no soul?
But back to all things Christmas–I’m so ready. I’d get a tree right now if it would last 2 months…but who am I kidding? I like to leave those suckers up until the end of January. So it’d have to be a three-monther. I want to get the lights out, and the glittery ornaments out of their boxes. I already have the kids’ presents (fairly small presents, mind you) safely wrapped. I’m itching to bake cookies. I know we have Thanksgiving to get through before I should even begin to think of this kind of stuff, but I just can’t help it.
And now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to hightail it to the public Library. Gotta go.

About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

4 responses to “Where Did I Go Wrong?

  • miranda

    "What about Santa’s cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?""I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite.""You smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa.""I’m a human… raised by humans.""You like sugar, huh?" "Is there sugar in syrup?" "Yes." "Then YES!""SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA’S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!"Ok, I could do this for days. I wanna make Christmas cookies!!! Really? Thanksgiving?? It’s just a warm up, a prelude of sorts.

  • Nooner™

    "This raising kids stuff is hard." <—- VERY! But I’m sure you are doing a wonderful job, Toni. You are so caring and attentive!!

  • barnyardmama

    I just go for the plastic tree–I can leave it up as long as I want, and it always looks good.

  • Joell

    HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE ELF??!  This is truly upsetting to me. 
    "I’m singing.  In the store.  I’m in the store.  And I’m siiiiinginggg."
    And my son’s favorite part is the 2 liter coke burp that lasts for like a minute.  I confess, I like it too.  That movie always always cheers me up.
    I’m thinking we are watching Elf tonight.

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