Week 17, Day 6. I’m in a bit of a funk today; it’s probably because I haven’t eaten a fucking cheeseburger. And now, I will delight you with some random observations:

  1. The worst show in the world to watch when you are expecting is "Runway Moms". (Look Mia, that lady is about to have her baby! Yes, I know her tummy doesn’t look big enough…)
  2. It is even worse to allow your husband to watch this show about pregnant models. (Look Mia, while Mommy shows you how to have what’s known as an eating disorder…)
  3. Las Vegas is rigged so that no one gets good cell phone reception, therefore making it impossible for wives to keep their husbands from spending their measly life’s savings in a Casino.
  4. If you have a child under 10, you are going to have to go see "The Chipmunk Movie". It is inevitable. Resistance is futile. For 99.9% of you, this is bad news; for me, well, I had a childhood crush on Alvin, and listening to squeaky-computer-animated-rodents for 2 hours will not bother me.
  5. Do not expect to have normal kids when you yourself are far from normal. The girls are nuts. I knew it was a matter of time before they revealed their true warped-ness. Mia’s room, 8:00 p.m.:

          MIA: I’m a puppy and I love to bark and lick things! Ruff Ruff!

CHEYENNE: And I’m the police man! I’ve had reports about you!

          MIA: I’m sorry Mister Police Man! I’ll never draw blood again! I promise!

CHEYENNE: It’s not right to bite!

          MIA: Oops! Wait! I have to go pee-pee! (lifts leg over Candy-Land)

CHEYENNE: That’s it! I’m taking you in for urinating on private property!

          MIA: Don’t touch me! I’m a fluffy doggy!

CHEYENNE: Here’s what’s coming to you! (injects poison with syringe)

         MIA: Ugh…Ack! I’m *cough, cough* dying! Ugh…

CHEYENNE: Oh No! Alert the owner!

          MIA: I’m so cold! I’m…dead. Owner? Mom? Did you hear that? Your doggy died.

CHEYENNE: There was nothing more I could do–your dog was choking on cookie dough.

          MIA: Blechhh…I just threw up. Mom, can we get some cookie dough?

Caleb’s in Vegas. He’s had a terrible time getting signal on his phone–probably all those gambling-pinballish-machine thingies–and we haven’t talked to him too much. I’m not worried–just really, really jealous. Ooooo…this is the second "business convention" the company’s had out there. They all got the smackdown from the big boss last week: THERE WILL BE NO LATE-NIGHT PARTYING, so I can rest assured he’s not having too much fun. It is kind of crummy though–why the hell have the big meeting in Las Vegas when you’re not going to let anyone have any fun? I can think of a million and one places across the country that would make for a more boring week. Jack ass. I hate gambling. I get pissed off and want to leave after 5 minutes or $5, whichever comes first.


Today I mailed out about half of the Christmas presents I meant to have sent by 2 weeks ago. Note to self: Next year it’s gift cards for everybody. I’ll save roughly $100 on shipping costs. I’m kidding myself, though. I love to shop for people. I do it all year long. My soul isn’t complete until I’ve found the perfect gift for everyone on my list; and if there’s one or two generic things I have to buy for that certain difficult someone, then I don’t sleep well for a month after Christmas. I’m downright giddy about a few of the presents I came up with. I’m not that big on surprises and secrets–meaning I like them, LOVE them, actually, I just can’t physically hold them in. But I done good this year.
That is all.

About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni


  • Tiffany

    I need to do that next year… start shopping right after Christmas this year and start stashing stuff away.  Then maybe I wouldn’t go in to panic mode right before Christmas thinking how in the hell I’m going to get it all done.  3 more days until we find out!!!!!  I cannot wait and I’m trying to do everything I can to keep my mind off of it.
    Hugs – Tiff

  • miranda

    Only one more week!!!

  • Tiffany

    Girl… it’s nothing I haven’t laughed at myself several times with her.  Sometimes I think she is getting better and then BAM… she starts it all over again.  I purposely made Britt go to the grocery store with me one time to show him how I have to grocery shop every week.  He now understands exactly why I want to go at night when he can watch her or on the weekend by myself.  :)
    Hugs – Tiff

  • Tiffany

    I’m laughing so hard right now… I tried taking a nap with Baylee and I couldn’t fall asleep because my sinuses are hurting so bad.  The hubby came home early and took Baylee to Chick-fil-A to eat dinner and he’s also taking her to get my Christmas present… I think.  :)  No, she does not want to ride in the buggy.  That’s VERY rare that she does.  Normally she’s okay about staying by me, but she does have her days where she is all over!  I threatened to leave her at Wal-Mart one day!  If I do go with her then it’s early in the morning during the week when there is hardly anyone there.  Oh, and the pregnancy massages… I HIGHLY recommend them!  You can usually get one anywhere that does regular massages.  It is money well spent and SO worth it!

  • barnyardmama

    Kids are hysterical.
    I’ve never been to Vegas, but one day I will do it–I just have to get over my intese fear of flying.  Argh.
    Mia pretended to pee on Candy Land?  Seriously, I can’t stop thinking about that.
    PS: My kid is under ten and I haven’t even heard of the Chimpmunk movie.  Sounds kind of cool, though.

  • C.C.

    Perhaps the poor cell service in Vegas is part of their "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" ad campaign?  Just a thought…

  • Jaysey

    LMAO @ that scene between the girls!  That was great!

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