THINGS I HATE:
Caleb’s boss. Caleb’s job. Caleb’s company. The person or persons who run Caleb’s company. Stress. Bleeding ulcers. Cigarettes. People who smoke cigarettes. People who try to hide the fact that they have not quit smoking cigarettes. People who make lame excuses for smoking cigarettes. People who suck on Skoal when they can’t smoke cigarettes. People who spit their sucked Skoal into a clear, empty soda bottle. People who leave open Skoal spit bottles in vulnerable locations. Dogs that knock over Skoal spit bottles. Dogs that lick up spilt Skoal spit. Dogs who puke up the spilt Skoal spit all over the carpet. Carpet cleaning machines that weigh a ton. Carpet cleaning machines that seem to leave carpets dirtier, and obviously wetter, than they were to begin with. Smokers/Skoal suck-spitters that are convienently unavailable and far away in stupid little towns called Ada when said situations arise.
Cold weather. Wind. Cold weather and wind together.
Damnit! 100+ pound dirty black labs that think unmade human beds are specifically designed for them and them alone. Dogs that run from you when you are trying to beat the hell out of them. Dogs that knock you down trying to run from you when you are trying to beat the hell out of them. Washing red dirt and black dog hair out of pristine white sheets. Repeating the process only 2 days later.
Telling someone where your secret chocolate stash is and being betrayed days later when you find it all gone. Not being able to contact the stash-stealer because they are convienently unavailable and far away in stupid little towns called Ada.
THINGS I LOVE:
Baby thumps and kicks. Baby back-handsprings and round-offs. Playing dominos over and over while watching "Charlie and Lola" over and over. Shoe shopping with a daughter that has the same tastes and the same shoe-size as you. Phone calls from moms and sisters. Sunshine. Long walks through heavily-wooded private property. Long walks on unopened golf courses. Awesome pink tennis shoes. Comfortable pants. Being pregnant and excusably humongous. Being pregnant and excusably hungry. Cadbury Mini-Eggs. Chocolate stashes that aren’t depleted the second their secret is out.
Husbands who work impossibly hard so that you can stay at home in a nice house with the kids all day. Husbands who try not to burden you with all their worries about their job. Husbands whose main forms of stress relief are lawn-mowing and vegetable-growing. Husbands who give manicures and pedicures without you having to beg or even ask. Husbands who say nothing about a seriously non-shaven leg. Husbands who keep you company while you paint Rubber Mexicans. Husbands who take you on walks. Husbands who massage your feet while you eat the sandwich that they made for you after taking you for a walk. Husbands who go to bed when you go to bed. Husbands who comfort you at 3:00 in the morning because you had a nightmare about Rubber Mexicans breaking into your house and going Loco on your ass.