I have a few moments before Mia and I are off to wait an hour to see my doctor for 2 minutes.
We did end up putting Shadow down Saturday. Between the time I wrote my last entry and the time the actual appointment took place, she had gotten worse; we were literally carrying her wherever she needed to go because her legs and feet had pretty much completely given out. So there was no debating about it; although, even as we drove to the vet, I secretly hoped the doctor would offer us some miracle medicine and talk us out of it. Caleb’s dad, who we originally inherited Shadow from, flew up and we all got to spend a little time with her. She seemed to know what was coming and she seemed to be ready.
It was obviously a sad day…when we got to the doctor’s office we had to weigh her, and I was shocked to see that she had lost exactly 30 pounds in the past year alone–she had been practically starving herself! I felt horrible. In the room, Shadow turned to look at each one of us, wagging her tail as if to say, "Guys, it’s cool." When the doctor came in, I bolted; I totally bailed on Caleb and my father-in-law–but I was told she wagged her tail right up until the very end.
Today we feel a little better; the other dogs are clearly bummed–I’ve never seem them so calm. The girls accepted it better than Caleb and me. I can’t get rid of this nagging sense of guilt, but I’m sure it’ll fade, over time. The awful thing is, the smell is gone from our bedroom. The horrible, putrid doggy smell that I thought must’ve been imbedded in our carpet, so much that we were going to rip it out and burn it and install hardwood floors; the smell that penetrated our entire house–it’s gone, which led us all to believe that poor Shadow had something majorly wrong going on inside of her–it never hit me. She must’ve been sick for a long time. I’m going to count on our other dogs simply running away in ten more years. I never want to go through this again.