My Kid is a Hoss.

I once heard a nasty rumor that babies get bigger and bigger everytime you birth one. For people squeezin’ out these precious little 6-pound birds, it might be a welcome statement; I, myself, got a little worried the first time I heard it, but I figured, hey. If it were a proven fact from the Library of Congress, my doctor would let me know what’s up before things got out of hand.
And she did. Yesterday.
"Hmm. Hmmmmmmmmm. Your baby is BIG. Quite big."
"Oh, yes; I’m aware of that."
"Really? Would you say this one feels bigger than Mia was at this point in your pregnancy?"
"I would say that this one feels bigger than Mia did when she was born."
"Then you need to get your sonogram done as soon as possible. Normally we wait until 36 weeks, but…and mothers tend to be right on when guessing the size of their babies. How big was Mia?"
"Um…9 lbs, 6 oz."
"Did you have any problems delivering her?"
"Sadly, no. She popped right out–no stitching required."
"That’s good. You know, it’s not always the case, but babies typically get bigger and bigger with every pregnancy."
"Well, I’ll be on maternity leave before your next appointment! Best of luck to ya!"
Fuck you, Doctor, for bailing right when I’m trying to have my baby. No, I didn’t mean that. But in the past 8 months I haven’t been this freaked out–I knew my doctor was pregnant, but it never occured to me that she was really going to have it at some point in time. Crap. Now I’m gonna be stuck with some crotchedy old-lady doctor who will be mean to me when it finally comes time to deliver Monstro. And she probably won’t even have cool different-color eyes–one blue eye and one brown–I’m pretty sure that was going to be lucky for me somehow, someway.
I don’t want to be induced before my time. I don’t want to think about having a C-section. I can’t believe that at 34 weeks these medical professionals need a sonogram–why? Do they actually need to make a snap decision right now? What the hell for? How big do they think this baby is? Shouldn’t they wait until he is at least a little closer to term before they start worrying how to get him out? They can look all they want via ultra-sound. I’ll even stop drinking Miracle-Gro for breakfast and I promise to cut down on the steroids. I’m not done being pregnant for Christ’s sake! I’m still half-ass sanding the crib! I need to wash sheets and clothes! I haven’t even had a pedicure yet!
I won’t lie and say I’m not proud of having huge healthy babies. I know that I know how to grow ’em. Do you know any 15-year-old that would have a complications-free pregnancy, an on-time delivery, and come out with an 8 lb, 1oz baby to show for it? Yes–I’m just that fucking good. Cheyenne was by no means gigantic, but she was on the large side of average. It took me a whopping 5 minutes to push her out. Impressive? I think so. You do it.
And then Mia came and kicked things up a notch, and now I’m facing the possibility of an even bigger kid wreaking havoc on my nether-regions? I can’t bear the thought–not neccessarily of the actual delivery; I plan to be doped up and knocked out for that. It’s the aftermath that scares me. Holy. Fucking. Shit. I might never walk again.

About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

6 responses to “My Kid is a Hoss.

  • ♥ Aimee

    that is very scary to know cause i have been told that this one is big…and it’s my first…can you say ouch….
    ♥~♥ :oD most smiles are started by another smile… :oD ♥~♥

  • Bev

    I was an almost 10lb baby!!  My Mom was used to babies a little over 6 pounds.  At least you know what it is to have a larger baby.  Docs have to have something to worry about.  It sounds to me like you have everything under control!!  Hang in there girl!!
    I have to say though, I can’t wait till your little one gets here!!  It is so exciting for all your blog buds!! :)
    Take care, my friend!

  • miranda

    Nah, you’ll knock it out like the champ you are with no problem.Have you been able to meet with the other dr yet? The one that might have to deliver? I had a check up last week and my regular dr had to cancel so I met with her partner at the practice and really liked her. I felt really good knowing that once I am PG that when the time came to deliver I’d have two great drs that I both liked and trusted. Maybe that’ll put your mind at ease a bit?

  • barnyardmama

    I’d tell those bitches to stay away from my Uterus.  Subsequent pregnancies tend to "go" more quickly than previous ones–all the stuff is ready to go.  When the baby gets big enough he’ll show up.
    I wouldn’t worry about a different doctor.  It only takes you five seconds to have a baby anyway, right?
    Charlie was 7 lbs 14 oz. when he was delivered at 37 weeks.  I wonder how big the next one will be.  I wonder if three kids is such a good idea now (for me).
    PS: I was really sorry to hear about Shadow, but it sounds like you did the right thing.  I think it can be so hard to make these decisions, but that’s part of the deal, isn’t it?

  • Tiffany

    Yeah, I don’t see why you would need a sonogram that early… maybe at 36-38 weeks or something.  But, if you have done fine having big babies then you will be fine I just know it!  :)  I miss reading your site and really hope I will find some time now that I’m home from the hospital.  I was there for a week and I’m GLAD to be home!
    Hugs – Tiff

  • Joell

    Breathe with me, girl…Deep cleansing breaths. Think of it this way, Cheyenne and Mia have graciously paved the way for Monstro for you.  It’s gonna be NO PROB…
    From your friend, Joell, proud mother of an 8 lb and a 10 lb baby, respectively.  Yes, I delivered vaginally.  Yes, I’m just that good.

You must be logged in to post a comment.

%d bloggers like this: