It’s been almost a week since we found out about Merrick’s head, and Caleb and I have both gone from numb, to slightly worried, to straight-up freaked out, to calm and rational, to just way too tired to think about it anymore.
I’ve finally gotten to a point of acceptance and I’m actually feeling a little brave–a little. That said, there hasn’t been a single nighttime feeding where I haven’t cried while softly stroking his bumpy little head and tearfully whispering gentle words of comfort: "We’ll get this shit knocked out for you, little buddy."
I worry about letting my son down. What if he’s in pain? What if I make a wrong decision? Mommies and Daddies are supposed to make everything better, and right now I feel so scared and powerless. Hell, I wish my own mom and dad were here to hold my hand and wave their magic wands. How come I didn’t get a magic wand?
Cheyenne and Mia have become the best of friends–mainly because Caleb and I are too stressed or tired to be much fun right now, and Mia heads straight for big sister’s room when she wants to be entertained–which is all the time. Cheyenne doesn’t seem to mind–normally I’d be concerned about her feelings as to whether or not she wants Mia all up in her face 24/7, but lately I figure if it bothered her very much, she’d be whining by now. So I let it ride.
We’ve all gotten into the bad habit of going to bed at midnight and waking up at 10:00 a.m. or later. I wouldn’t mind sleeping until 4:00 in the afternoon, but then I wouldn’t have time to go buy everyone new socks and underwear since I’ve been too unmotivated to actually wash clothes. I’m not depressed; I’m just exhausted.
And because I can’t think of anything else to write about, I’ll leave you with this one last question: Has anyone else caught the show "Hip Hop Harry" on the Discovery Kids Network? Or is it in my delerium that I’ve seen this big yellow ghetto-bear dancing around, teaching the world’s most earnest children (he must have ganked them from "Barney") how to "brush the dirt of their shoulders"? It really could just be me.