I know it’s dangerous for me to write without having my coffee, so I’ll try and make this quick. One day soon, I promise to write about something other than Merrick’s head. But for now, here’s what I got: Merrick’s CAT scan went fine. He miraculously stayed asleep during the whole thing, so he didn’t have to be sedated, which was why I was dreading it so much in the first place. That said, the sight of my tiny baby boy inside of that whirling round machine didn’t exactly calm me down. But hey, that’s cake walk compared to what he’ll probably be going through in just a few months.
Caleb talked to our pediatrician Monday to get all our ducks in a row for the CAT scan–it seems I was misled (okay, I blanked) last week when the doctor called us and told us there was only one suture closed–apparently, there are two: the sagittal (?) which goes up the middle of the skull, is definitely fused, and possibly one of the left sutures that I don’t know the name of because I blanked again when Caleb was telling me about it. We’ve been able to feel a ridgeline in the center of his skull since the day he was born, and the back of his head has always been kinda bumpy.
I wasn’t really surprised that there might be 2; it would make for a more complicated surgery, and as much as I hate even the thought of that, I hope we have it done soon. I’ve heard that the younger the kid, the more workable the skull. And I’d rather Merrick have surgery than wind up with eyesight problems, developmental delays, or a face that looks like it was run over by a mack truck. I know kids can be cruel–the nicknames "Klingon" and "Hammerhead" have already crossed my mind, so I figure it’s either major surgery now or major therapy later. We still haven’t heard back from the doctor about our appointment with the neurosurgeon, but we are staying on them and they are staying on the hospital to get it scheduled.
People ask me "How are you holding up? God, I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling right now! How in the world will you handle it all?" And truthfully, I don’t know. I bet 5 years from now when everything’s all said and done, I still won’t really know. My son has a condition that I can’t pronounce correctly without having a seizure. I think this is one of those times where you just shut your eyes, hold on tight and come out on the other side. It will all work out.
Besides, Merrick’s a tough little guy. He’s been bulking up. He’s totally got this.
And nothing says bad ass like a baby in a helmet.