IT MUST BE NICE to have 3 showers a day, even if you are just cooling off from working outside in the garden. It must be nice to get perfectly bronzed and beautiful while you work outside in the garden. It must be nice to down a few beers while you mindlessly ride the lawnmower around the yard. It must be nice to take the convertible out for a spin "just to make sure the engine gets revved up every so often." It must be nice to get in a nap here and there even when you get 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep. It must be nice to be able to drink and make merry until midnight or later. It must be nice to go on a neighborhood golf-cart ride with a neighborhood buddy to a neighborhood cookout, and it must be nice to be able to ditch said neighborhood cookout to go jump off the neighborhood bridge into the neighborhood lake. What’s nicer than that is when you tromp your wet ass through your nice tidy house and not feel any remorse when your nice wife, who’s been cleaning one-handedly all day, slips and busts her butt on the water you dripped all over the floor on your drunken trek to the bathroom for your 4th shower.
YET NICER THAN ALL OF THAT is being able to squeeze and snuggle with a fat, happy baby all day. It’s nice when only you know how to make that baby smile and giggle. It’s nice to do baby yoga with your baby and your daugher by your side with her "baby". It’s nice to draw 50 different pictures of a smiling snail. It’s nice to hold a soccer game or six in the living room. It’s nice to make, and then eat, chocolate-chip cookies and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It’s nice to watch an occasional "Phineas and Ferb" marathon. It’s nice to be invited to discuss 1st-Day-of-School-outfit options with a 12-year-old who doesn’t open up to just anybody about her fashion choices. It’s nice rocking out to Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift in a tropical-island-themed room. It’s nice to be able to dance ridiculously and it’s even nice to be told "Mom, your singing wrecks my life!" by a preschooler. It’s especially nice not having a hangover when you do all of these things.
That is all.