The first thing you hear in the morning is "Mom, is it okay if I get rid of my booger with your pillowcase?"
Taking more than 3 showers a week seems a little extravagant.
You know precisely when your baby is going to spit up…
And you hold out your bare hand to catch it.
You have one stain in every color of the rainbow on every pair of pants you own.
Spending all day in pajamas sounds like a very practical idea.
Paying more than $9.99 for a shirt does not.
Hulk Hogan wouldn’t stand a chance against you in an arm-wrestling match.
You’ve had nightmares about Hip-Hop Harry.
You’ve developed a nasty sprinkles habit.
Peanut-butter-and-sprinkles sandwiches, anyone?
You get really excited about the newest animated films…
In the hope that you’ll never have to watch Finding Nemo again…
Because Finding Nemo makes you fucking suicidal.
You realize there are more "Madisons" in the world than there are mosquitos.
You know that a quiet child is not neccessarily a good child.
The idea of a minivan is a lot more appealling than it used to be.
Grocery shopping is the absolute highlight of your day.
The only quiet time you have is that semi-annual hour in the waiting room at the dentist’s office.
Everytime your own mother calls, you feel compelled to apologize. Just because.