Today I got a facebook message from a girl claiming to know my husband. She didn’t say where she knew Caleb from, and I was semi-curious. Okay, fine. I was instantly intrigued and the wheels in my head started turning.
What lies before me now is a tremendous opportunity to really jack with my husband.
You see, although Caleb has millions of friends he’d do well to keep in touch with, Caleb refuses–REFUSES–to get a myspace or facebook account. And that’s fine. He claims to be one of those people that think such networking websites are the work of the devil. However, I know him better and I’m pretty sure he’s keeping a low online profile so as not to be tracked down by a psycho ex-girlfriend or baby-mama. Obviously, his plan to remain untraceable isn’t working out.
(Cue scary organ music.)
"Hey babe. How’s your day going? Mine is fucking great. Except for one thing–this chick e-mailed me and asked how many kids you have and how much money you make. She’s says she’s coming to Oklahoma next week and she’s bringing you a surprise. Is there anything I ought to know about? Cough, cough, BASTARD, cough!"
Now, really, I have no idea about this girl. She could have known him from work. She could’ve known him from school. Maybe she was his favorite bartender. Maybe she’s the little sister of a friend of an uncle’s cousin of a friend and she met him once at a garage sale and she’s just trying to get as many facebook "friends" as she can. She’s not the first person to message me in attempt to reach out to Caleb.
I just like to see him sweat. It’s tempting. It really is. I love my husband. But I’ve heard the stories–not from him but from everyone that knows him–and apparently he was such a dog before I knew him that it’s almost comical. Caleb? My Caleb? The guy that’s been wrapped around my pretty little finger since the night we met? My sweet, loving, devoted and attentive husband Caleb? Surely you jest. This man? This man that gets me flowers every week just for the hell of it, who cooks and cleans and changes diapers and reads bedtime stories to our two darling children? Him? That guy?
I do know one thing about my husband. People–not just the ladies–fucking love him. They can’t help it. He can’t help it. He just walks in the light. He’s a people charmer. When he smiles at you and looks at you with those brown eyes of his, it’s like you’re the most important person in the world. After 8 years, I still can’t get enough of it.