Captain’s Log, January 2009–Oh, what? Wait. Apparently it’s already October. So.
Captain’s Log, October 9, 2009: Today I came into close contact with the firemen. This was an unexpected encounter, as I did not see a firetruck parked in front of Walmart as I entered the building. Even though there is an obvious pattern concerning the firemen’s grocery shopping schedule (Friday mornings at 8:30 a.m.), I had not properly prepared. While I had thankfully remembered to brush my teeth this morning, I did not comb my hair nor did I wear my fancy dress and red patent-leather high heels like I had previously planned. I had on instead my frayed brown cargo pants, a gray thermal shirt under a black t-shirt, and my ratty hair rolled up under a knit cap. I looked like a scrag–which, hilariously enough–is an old school word for "emo".
I had gotten through the rest of my grocery shopping pretty uneventfully, with little resistance from Merrick, and had just entered the checkout line when I felt a presence behind me. Not one, not two, but 4 adorable firemen, dressed in their little navy-blue day-clothes, stood less than 3 feet away from me as I placed milk, oatmeal, and an assortment of feminine products onto the counter. Merrick eyed the men curiously. The sullen cashier suddenly increased in speed, and she went from kiss-my-ass-mode to giggly school girl in a matter of seconds.
One of the men waved at Merrick. He was the youngest of the four and most surely the bimbo, if you will, of the group, based on snippets of conversation I overheard. Merrick tossed an acorn squash at him. It hit the floor with a thud, but surprisingly, it did not splatter. The fireman picked up the acorn squash and placed it on the belt next to my various pumpkins and gourds. I thanked him and Merrick laughed. The cashier giggled and tried to cover up her mustache. I paid and left.
I don’t know if I’ll ever remember to take a shower and apply mascara before my Friday morning grocery outings. All I know is that my run-in today has left me with so many questions: Why do you shop all together? Is it like girls going to the bathroom? Are you using the wingman system while grocery shopping? What do you buy? Why didn’t I think to check this time? Do you have to drive the firetruck when you grocery shop? Is it an absolute requirement? Can my kid sit in the firetruck? Can I take a picture of my kid sitting in the firetruck? Do you have a dalmation? Can he come in the store? Where are your yellow coats and red hats? Do you ever wear the oxygen tanks just for funsies?
…Do you secretly think mommy-jeans are hot? You do? I knew it.