Do As I Say

 
We Florida people are not accustomed to snow falling from the sky. Or snow piling up on the ground. Or blowing straight at our faces and up our noses. Or all of the above. And yet, for the second time in less than a week, snow is coming down–and I am loving it. We had ourselves a beautiful white Christmas, and we did all the things you’re supposed to do–we drank hot chocolate, had a fire in the fireplace, and made snowmen with actual carrot-noses. We also battled a vicious stomach virus that did everything but rot the flesh right off our bones. We spent hours in our attic, shop-vacuuming the snow that had managed to blow itself up through the attic vents, and when we couldn’t make it out of our driveway without sliding bumper-first into a ditch, we lived vicariously through our brand-new Christmas Wii.
 
We’ve had a good week.
 
Another thing we’re not accustomed to at my house is junk food–soda, cookies, and the like. I don’t normally buy it because I have this warped sense of logic that tells me to EAT IT ALL, NOW, so that it won’t tempt me later. But on special occasions, like Christmas, we splurge and stock up on goodies. The kids get crazy and I end up regretting the decision to treat them in the first place. This year was no exception; Caleb and I (after my failed baking attempts) thought it would be fun to get a little cake, a batch of brownies, a few break’n’bake chocolate-chip cookies, and, because his sister, Joy, could eat only soft gushy things, some pudding. By Day 3, the kids had turned into full-blown junk food junkies.
 
Merrick: "Coo-kie? Coo-kie? Pweese?"
Mia: "If he’s having one, can I have one too? For a bedtime snack?"
Cheyenne: "I haven’t had any sweets since lunchtime, so I should be able to have a piece of cake and 2 cookies."
Mia: "Oooo, can I have cake too?"
Cheyenne: "Not if you have cookies."
Mia: "Fine, then I only want cake and one cookie."
Merrick: "Coo-kie?
Mia: "Mom, how many cookies does Merrick get?"
Cheyenne: "I’m the one who baked the cookies without burning them, so I should decide who gets how many."
Mia: "Cheyenne’s being bossy. So can I have cake?"
Cheyenne: "Seriously, Mom, can I have some cake?"
Merrick: "Cake?"
 
Me: "Holy freaking Cracker Barrell, kids! You’re driving me freaking crazy. No cake for anyone."
Caleb: "Yes, in fact, no dessert at all for anyone, and that’s that."
Me: "Yeah, you guys have gone crazy asking for dessert all the time and I am tired of it."
Caleb: "Yeah, you’re obsessed."
Me: "You kids have had waaay too much junk food."
Caleb: "The next person to ask for sweets gets a spanking, is that clear?"
 
Cheyenne and Mia: "Yes sir."
 
Ten minutes later, after we had gotten all the kids to bed, Caleb and I cuddled up on the couch and popped in a movie.
 
Caleb: "So. You want some cake?"
 

 
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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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