To clarify from yesterday, the problem I’m having does not stem from the Bible’s fancy-schmancy wording. The problem comes directly from me and my impatience. I know it, and if you know me, you know it, too. I’d be lying if I said that doing this–and understanding it–comes easily.
I get frustrated so quickly. I look around me and I see these women that seem to have it all together, spiritually anyways, and I get pissed off at myself for taking so long to catch up with them. I feel like what’s known as a "little bitty baby Christian", which I guess there’s nothing wrong with–except that to me it’s like going to college for 10 years without getting close to earning your degree.
I keep thinking that God should constantly be giving me these "Aha!" moments, at my convenience of course, as I’m sitting at my desk with my Bible wide open in front of me. And I think that after I’ve had my moment where God shows me exactly what he wants me to see, that it should stick with me for the rest of my life, or at least the rest of the week. But of course, it doesn’t happen that way. Maybe it does to other people–I don’t know.
So my dilema with this bible study is that I want a parent to sit down and help me with my Jesus homework. I want to be in class where there’s a teacher ready and available to answer any questions I might have. I want to hear it broken down in not just layman’s terms, but maybe something a little closer to ebonics. I want to know what is going on in everyone else’s head and I want to know how they got as close to Jesus as they appear to be and did they struggle and did they cuss, and were they distracted when they could hear their family watching "X-Men" in the other room?
I knew none of this would be the case when I signed up. But I also know that I’ll get there.