Well.

 
I’m not gonna lie. It’s been a rough week. Miscarriage=Epic FAIL. Bear with me as my blog bounces back and forth from slightly optimistic to completely tormented.
 
I had a follow-up with my doctor today. It was uneventful and depressing. Here we are, 14 days after I first found out I was pregnant. And now, I’m just not. It was all over with so fast, it’s like nothing ever happened.
 
Bummer.
 
I’m still sad. I’m even a little angry. I still want my mom. But I guess maybe you could say I’ve accepted it…although I have to say it was the acceptance part of the process that I had been dreading the most.
 
Everyone I know has been so great. My friends have had such kind things to say to me and Caleb, and I don’t know if I can ever convey how much those short, supportive conversations have meant. I just have trouble being in public right now. I tend to be anti-social when I lose babies.
 
I’m trying not to wallow, and I know this blog is starting to have a pity-party-ring to it, so I’ll move on. Even though I still have this voice in the back of my head that keeps screaming "This sucks!"
 
Happier thoughts? Caleb and I are going to plant a tree. And probably some flowers–just to acknowledge and remember our baby. I’m not particularly known for my green thumb–I hope I don’t kill the tree. I don’t know if I could live with myself.
 
So much for moving on.
 
Caleb is building me a kick-ass storage bed. If my camera were working, I’d take pictures of his progress and post them every 5 minutes. It’s not done yet, but it looks so good and I’m so proud. My husband is the man. Just in case you didn’t know.
 
Some things that crack me up: Merrick, dancing to "Eenie meanie miny mo"–and yes, that’s with Justin Bieber. I don’t normally condone Bieber in my house, but Merrick’s so cute when he’s popping and locking. And check out this stinking hilarious video: 
 
   
 
I kid you not, this is Caleb–classic, unabashed Caleb. Gas station glasses? Check. St. John’s Bay? Got it. Ditto for the dockers and the sweet goatee, the giant lawnmower, the Round-Up, hydrangeas and the Disney movies blasting on his prized flat-screen. I thank God for my brother-in-law for finding this kind of stuff. It had me laughing all day.
 
 
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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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