I Love the Night Life

Merrick is killing me. Slowly.

One middle-of-the-night screaming session at a time.

It’s like he wakes up to this little voice inside his head that’s saying, “It’s 3:38 a.m.–do you know where your juice cup is?”

He then summons me to the bed chamber with one long drawn-out, blood-curdling howl. And I wake up in a cold sweat and my heart pounds and I run to his room and I gasp “What’s wrong, what’s wrong?”

“I want more juice.”

Me: “You have some. In your hands. You’re drinking it.”

Him: “It’s water. I want juice.”

Me: “No juice after you brush your teeth. The dentist says so.”

Him: “I don’t like the dentist. I’m going to kick him and punch him and call the police to come get him.”

Me: “Maybe tomorrow.”

Mia, peeking over the side of her bunk bed: “Are you going to take him to your room? Because he’s making a lot of noise in here.”

Me: “I might, if he doesn’t go back to sleep.”

Mia: “Well, if he gets to go, then I get to come too. Because I’m older.”

Me: “What? That’s not–”

Him: “I want to sleep in your bed.”

Mia: “No fair!”

Me: “Nobody’s going to sleep in my bed.”

Mia: “Are you going to sleep in here then?”

Me: “No, I’m going to sleep in my bed.”

Him: “I want you to sleep in here and I want me to sleep in your bed.”

Mia: “She can’t. She’ll break the bunk bed.”

Me: “No I will not break the bunk bed. Everyone just lay down–”

Him: “No, your bed.”

Me: “And go back to sleep…”

Mia: “Your bed.”

Me: “Well you know what? It sucks to be you guys right now, because I’m going back to my bed by myself and you can lay here wide awake for the next 3 hours for all I care because I stayed up until 11:00 last night folding your clothes and washing your dishes and cleaning up your junk and I am tired and I can’t handle anymore of your bull.”

Him: “I don’t like bulls, they are scary.”

Mia: “Nice, Mom. Way to scare your child in the middle of the night.”

Him: “Your bed.”

Mia: “Your bed.”

Me: “Fine.”

We round up Mia’s pink teddy bear, Mia’s giant stuffed tiger, Mia’s brown teddy bear, Mia’s rainbow-colored miniature creepy-eyed lemur, Merrick’s little cat, Merrick’s little dog, Merrick’s other little dog, Merrick’s monster pillow, and Merrick’s red-and-white-polka-dot blanket. We flop down the hallway to my room. Dogs whine from their crates, kids scale the side of the bed like ninja monkeys, and I scooch into the generous 1 ft section of mattress that Mia and Merrick have so graciously allowed me to sleep on. Everyone is cozy and everyone is settled down and I close my eyes.

Him: “Where is my juice cup?”


About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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