Hillbilly Hell

We totally went to the Oklahoma State Fairgrounds to see the cajun alligator hunters on “Swamp People” today.

It…was an experience.

So. When Caleb heard that the “Swamp People” were going to be hanging out at the Gun Show/Knife Show/Hunting Show this weekend, he was pretty excited, and that’s saying a lot because there’s not too much he’ll get crazy about. He loves this show. I watched Episode 1 of Season 1 on Netflix once just to see someone shoot an alligator, and he was hooked. He tore through the rest of the episodes like it was Conan the Star Wars Barbarian Flying Stealth Jets Through Mordor With Iron Man.

I thought he was joking when he said we were all going.

He was not.

So we get there and the parking lot looks like Disney World, crowded to the point that you think all the rednecks in the entire world must be converged alltogether at the same time into this same corner of Oklahoma City. We accidentally snuck in without paying by going into the wrong entrance–which is good, because from what I could tell by walking 2 feet into the building, there was absolutely nothing there to interest me, even though advertisements to the Gun Show touted “Western Art” and “Jewelry”–FALSE, unless you count a confederate-flag dream-catcher as western art and maybe a rabbit’s foot keychain as jewelry, and, in the case that you do, you might have been right at home.

Cheyenne, however, was one more white-ponytailed cam0-clad old man away from a Lightning McQueen-style freakout. And I was kind of right along there with her as we passed booth after booth of what appeared to be tommy guns and bazookas. I felt very scared.

Sidenote though? Rednecks are ready for a zombie apocalypse; this scenario is weighing heavy on the hearts of many an Oklahoman hunter, and so I actually feel quite safe in this state of states, where every other homeowner is sure to be equipped with enough weapons and ammo to cover them through World War 3. A t-shirt I spotted (that I almost envisioned myself buying) said “Organize BEFORE they rise!” with a hand coming out of the ground.

Awesome.

Now, the Swamp People were in a building separate from the guns and knives, so we made our way across another parking lot, only to discover that there was no sneaking in the wrong entrance to see this particular attraction. It costs $10 per adult to get in; Cheyenne and I, being the suburban princesses that we are, offered to sit this one out–while Caleb, Mia and Merrick went in search of Troy, Jacob, Junior, and Willy.

Unfortunately, Caleb’s Season 1 Heroes were nowhere to be found. He did, however, get to pay an arm and a leg to hold and get photographed with a real live 3-foot gator (ooo! Like we’ve never ever seen one before!) so he was partially stoked. The kids thought it was great I guess. Cheyenne and I sat on a bench in the sun and talked about ethics and genetics and a bunch of other science-y stuff that I didn’t understand but that Cheyenne is totally passionate and knowledgeable about.

Whatever.

It was a fun day. Saw some big black guns. Saw about fifty people in nothing but overalls. Saw one full set of teeth. And my Crystal Gayle t-shirt is ruined.

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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