Creepy Dark Forces

Apparently we have mighty powers in this dark world who are just like the Man–always trying to keep us down and junk.

I know because yesterday I almost murdered my husband in cold blood. Shocked? Don’t be.

Sundays for me are usually busy, but yesterday was exceptionally hectic right out the gate. I was teaching Sunday school for the little kids; I was stressing over Art with A Heart (more on that later), and I was hoping against all odds that my husband could pull off a clean house by himself for our church small group that we just so happened to be hosting that night. Let me reiterate: Busy day full of awesome God stuff.

I went to bed Saturday night with a song in my heart and a dream in my head, but I woke up on a mission, bright and shining at 6:30 a.m. I brew the coffee, I get a shower. I make a to-do list, I tidy up. I lovingly cook breakfast for the kids, I feed the dogs, and I do all of this quietly so as not to wake my sleeping husband, because I’m just so precious and that’s how I roll.

As I’m straightening my hair, I’m talking to my husband, who’s still trying to squeeze out those last 45 seconds worth of half-sleep–but I assume he is most definitely conscious so I don’t physically drag him out of bed. The house is still a disaster area, I’m not properly mascara-ed, and the kids are going ape in the living room. I look over at Caleb, who’s still lolling around in the bed, and I realize that we have a mere 10 minutes before we have to leave for church.

Caleb: “What? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

Me: “Um, because I’ve been in here for the past 30 minutes running the hair dryer and banging cabinet doors and having a conversation with you and I thought you were awake so I didn’t press the issue and are you kidding me? GET UP NOW, WE HAVE TO LEAVE!”

Him: “Don’t talk to me that way, this is not how I wanted to start out this morning, blah blah blah blah, why don’t you just take the green car and meet us there?”

Me: “Because I’m running late because I’m the one getting everyone else ready!”

Caleb, magically showered, shaved, and clothed: “I’m just so fresh and clean! I can’t believe you’re not ready! What is wrong with you, wife?”

Me: “I’ll get you, and it will look like a bloody accident.”

Caleb: “I’ll scissor kick you in the back of the head!”

Me: “I’ll cut off your fingers and stick them in the microwave and force you to watch them while they sizzle!”


We left in a pissed-off huff for church. I was literally fuming over a fight that began less than 10 minutes earlier. I was so angry that I was in tears. I couldn’t think straight and I was most certainly not in the mood to carry out any the cool plans God had laid out for us that day.

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment Caleb and I went into Texas Chainsaw Massacre mode, but I know why it happened. When there’s a lot of God stuff to do, the devil plans his attack. Ephesians 6:10-18 says all this business:

10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

   13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

   18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Jinkies. Ever seen the movie Fallen? Where Denzel fights a demon that’s stalking him because he’s a crime-fighting hottie on the mean streets of Who Cares What City Because It’s Denzel Washington! Freaking scary. In the movie, Denzel relied only on himself to outwit the tricksy demon–I would assume anyone who’s “putting on the full armor of God” has a leg up on Denzel. I wonder how often we’re attacked when we’re “headed in the right direction”?

I think people make a huge mistake in thinking that the Devil has no power in this world. I know God is ultimately in control, but it doesn’t mean Satan won’t try to jack things up as much as he can. Kind of like when people are in the process of losing their house–before the bank officially kicks them out, they take all the light fixtures down and trash the place. Watch out, people–Satan is in the process of getting evicted and he’s mad as hell.

My sweet husband apologized. In such a way that the Devil couldn’t even come close to touching God’s day–listen to this: after he dropped me and the kids off, he drove around to clear his head. Apparently a few of my comments upset him. He settled down, found a tree with some mistle-toe, climbed it, got the mistle-toe, brought it back to the church, and made me kiss him. All better.

My husband has some serious game.


About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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