We are Here

Does anyone catch the obscure “Horton Hears a Who” reference? Anyone?

Ah, well. We are here, safe and unscathed by the tornadoes that were predicted to hit us all through the night. I didn’t sleep that well. Caleb slept worse. My watchful, protective, faithful husband–up every twenty minutes checking the weather lest his family get blown away.

I don’t think I could be any luckier, with that man, you guys. We might get tired and crabby and snippy with each other, but he’s a godsend. I just love him.

I’m having trouble sleeping lately anyway. I’m worried about my Florida family. I would like not to go into detail, but prayers would be much needed and deeply appreciated.

I’m worried about my kids. I’m worried about my husband’s job. I’m worried about my health. I’m worried about my unbreaking activity schedule. I’m worried about people that I love far away. I’m worried about people that I love right here.

I’m still working my way through “The Christian Atheist”. It’s an annoying book that points out many truths including the fact that excessive worrying is lack of trust in God. Awesome. God, I’m trying to trust you, alright? But stuff just keeps happening and I feel like I should be doing something about it, deep in my bones.

Is somebody messing with my sister? A cutting remark via text ought to fix that. Is there a tornado heading our way? Well then by all means let’s clean the house and mow the yard. Is Caleb’s job ever not on the line? I will paint a thousand paintings and sell them at a whopping $20 a pop so that we can get through. And I’ll pray when I remember to.

What is this “give it up to God” that everyone talks about? One doesn’t simply “give it up to God“. I mean, I say I do, and sometimes I really think I do, and them BOOM! There “it” is in my lap again. And I sit, and I look at it and I stress over it and all the other things I’ve got in front of me, and I cry, and I feel like a tiny WhoVille-ian screaming “I am here, I am here, I am here!” to a giant voice in the sky.

God, do you even hear me? I thought I was behaving myself. I thought I was being faithful. Now everything bad that could happen is happening all at once. What’s the gameplan here? I need a sneakpeak! Tell me the reason for all of this hurting, please! What can I do to fix it?

Well, even though I feel a stunning lack of resolution, I’ll share with you what I learned this week courtesy of Beth Moore: sometimes God is not actively raining down awesomeness on us. Sometimes he’s working the root system, underground, out of sight. Testing us, strengthening us, growing us. Last year in Oklahoma we experienced a drought. It was hot as hell, there was literally no rain, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. The grass was brown by June. Wells started to go dry. The pond in our neighborhood was more like a sloppy mud puddle. People came to HOA meetings demanding that the board members do something about getting hooked up to the city supply. Personally I thought it was the End of Times. We were all going to die, city water or not.

This year, the grass is green. Gardens are lush. Ponds are full to the brim. And the rain keeps coming.

God is faithful. He does hear me. It won’t always be raining and it won’t always be easy. But it’s during these times that God is working. We can’t see it, we don’t understand it, but He is here, with us, and the blessings that follow dry seasons are that much sweeter when they finally arrive.

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

One response to “We are Here

  • Hilary

    I totally have struggled with trusting God since I’m a total control freak! When I can’t control things, I worry and start questioning God! I find that “giving things to God” is often a daily process (like forgiveness) where I have to consciously make a choice to stop worrying and trust Him! Its tough!

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