The Berenstain Bears and THE PARENTING FAIL

Two weeks ago I had the unfortunate idea to order 2 of the most recently written Berenstain Bear books from Merrick’s book order: “The Berenstain Bears’ Bedtime Battle”, and “The Berenstain Bears and the Trouble With Chores”.

For the record, I am a huge Berenstain Bear fan. I grew up on the Bear family, who lived in a treehouse down a sunny dirt road deep in Bear Country. Every life lesson I ever learned as a child was either brought on or driven home with these beloved fictional friends.

The Bedtime Battle is basically all about Brother and Sister acting like juvenille delinquents and getting away with it–staying up until all hours of the night while Mama and Papa, who have chased after them all day, picking up their toys and trying to get them to behave, exhaustedly fall fast asleep on the couch.

I’m sorry, but that’s lunacy. Mama and Papa should be ashamed of themselves.

The Trouble With Chores shows Mama Bear passive-aggressively manipulating her family into cleaning the house, and they only fall for it after about 6 months have gone by, and the Bear family is in danger of being separated by Child and Family Services, no doubt. Papa couldn’t give a rat’s ash about the unsanitary conditions of his family’s living quarters and Mama is too focused on her quilt club projects to really address the problem. Brother and Sister Bear have clearly not been spanked since 1986. And Honey Bear eats bugs.

It pains me to say this: Mama and Papa Bear have lost their touch. Their home is going to pot and they don’t even care. Honestly, what kind of world are we living in when Mama and Papa Bear are flushing 40 years of hardcore parenting down the toilet? Sure, they had another baby and adopted a dog–life is busy. We get it. I know modern society calls for sensitive guidance and direction when it comes to raising kids, but I miss the good ole days, when Papa Bear would come into the room and lay down the law. I want Mama Bear to whip her family into shape again. Instead, they’ve given up. Bear Country is going to hell in a handbasket.

And I don’t even see the point of even living anymore.

Okay, that’s extreme. But I don’t think we’re going to put these 2 new books on our regular bedtime reading rotation.

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

3 responses to “The Berenstain Bears and THE PARENTING FAIL

  • Melissa

    This reminds me of one of the Llama Llama books. In Llama Llama Mad at Mama, little llama throws a fit in the grocery store, makes a big ole mess, and Mama Llama just says “Let’s clean it up and be nice now.” And little llama gets ice cream at the end of the day. Whenever I read it to Julian, I am sure to point out that he would NOT get such treatment.

  • Anne

    So are you telling me that I shouldn’t just smile and say “That’s nice dear, would you like some chocolate?” when my son tells me he hates me (because I wouldn’t let him cut the sleeves off of a billion dollar Under Armor shirt or because I refuse to be his punching bag) and adds how he wishes he were still in China because I am not the right mom? So I shouldn’t walk around saying in my best Church Lady voice with puckered lips… “Well isn’t that special?” Ha, who am I kidding, we all know I just scream back and then banish him from my presence only to have him an hour later cuddled at my side watching GI Joe.

    WHAT THE FRICKIN CRAP?!?!?! 🙂

    {side note: you know I love him with everything in me, right?}

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