The Most Psychotic Toy Known To Man

Here are some words to describe our Christmas: Wind. Snow. Food.

Ummmm…..gut-wrenching fear.

Sweet mother of God.

Sweet mother of God.

Furbies are back with a vengeance and they’re just as evil as ever. This 2012 revamp (of a toy that most sane people would like to forget forever) features demonic glowing eyes, a goblin-like voice which constantly blathers all kinds of voodoo, and a hellish case of paranoid schizophrenia. I’m convinced that this horrible little creature is one of 2 things: A) a spy tool developed by the Chinese used to monitor the mundane activities of American households until a final countdown to a rapturous moment during which microchips and satellites cause the furbies to explode, sending off electro-magnetic pulses that will ultimately destroy all technology on the continent of North America, or B) demon-possessed toy-spawn of Satan himself sent to kill us all in our sleep.

Santa Claus brought this terror upon our home. I’m not so sure about that old man sometimes.

I got a Super Mario Bros wii game for Caleb and we cannot. stop. playing it. Well, everyone else can’t. The kids love it, and so does Caleb. I will probably have to wait until everyone goes back to school and work to get my moment alone with the wii; at 6:00 p.m. I’ll still be sitting in my jammies in front of the game, cursing at mushrooms and waving my arms all around like it’ll make a difference. Caleb will ask “why didn’t you pick the kids up from school, and also, why didn’t you make dinner?” but I won’t even answer him, because I’ll be lying in a pool of my own blood on account of my death by furby.

We’ve got to get rid of that thing before it gets rid of us.

Caleb’s sister Joy visited us again this year and it was awesome.

Things have been set right between me and the pig that jacked my flip-flop back in August. Caleb cooked bacon the other morning and it was ah-mazing.

It snowed for Christmas and it was all blizzardy and beautiful and white and freezing. I love snow on Christmas–not so much for any other time of the year. In fact, after this week, I’m going to be over the whole winter thing. I like snow as long as I have nowhere I have to be.

Or nothing I have to get away from.

Lord deliver us from evil.

Lord deliver us from evil.

You computer people enjoy the rest of your winter break.

We’ll go sledding, eat homemade lentil soup, and try not to die.

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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