Naming a Human, part 890.

Seventeen weeks. You guys know how long that is, right? Not even 5 months. I’m not even 5 months pregnant. And yet I have the stance and the waddle of a woman who’s been carrying a ten-pound baby in her belly for the past, oh, 3 years.

I am surrounded by expectant mothers. 2 of them are pregnant, and one is on pins and needles, and jumping through hoops–tiny hoops, that the state of Oklahoma then lights on fire–to welcome another child into her family. I am guessing the journey is by far more uncertain and frustrating than mine–but the anticipation and the excitement are the same. And I can’t wait to introduce her new kid to my new kid and say “Look! This is your best good friend for life! Now remember this day and don’t say we never did anything for you two.”

The little scamps.

Mia is counting down the days, hours, and minutes until we know whether this baby is a boy or girl. Everyone’s gut feeling is the same: boy. So…we shall see.

For fun, we consult The Giant Ridiculous 13,000-Baby Name Almanac–we flip through with our eyes closed and point blindly to any random spot on a page. We have had interesting results:

  • Gur, a Hebrew name that means “like a lion cub.” And Lorimer, which means “one that makes harnesses.” So our baby, Gur Lorimer, would essentially be, according to logic, “one who harnesses lion cubs.” And then, according to my own logic, “One who dominates lions.” Way better.
  • Hamilton Pecos. I didn’t really bother reading the origins of these names because a boy that goes by Hamilton Pecos would automatically be hysterical, amirite?
  • Irene Candy and Eleanor Shanifa. So many LOLZ.

Nobody worry. That’s not how we really name kids around here…although given Caleb’s hatred for every suggestion offered on God’s great green earth, it may well become a fallback tactic. So in…23 weeks, we could possibly be introducing baby Gur to his built-in BFFs, all of whom will have perfectly normal names, I’m sure.

(All joking aside, feel free to get in on this madness: if you know me–and you can pretty much say you do if read my crazy talk on a regular basis–I’d love to hear any suggestions (or expectations!) you might have for us, as I’m pretty sure that naming human beings is a task we should not be trusted with.)

Our other baby-naming adventures have been documented here, here, here, here, and also here.



About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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