opportune moments

The kids are killing me, slowly–one morning at a time. (I woke up to Merrick’s hands firmly covering my nose and mouth. If that’s not attempted murder, I don’t know what is.) I’m so tired I could just die, as long as it involves laying down with my eyes closed.

Fun fact about alcoholism: years and years after officially going cold-turkey-style-sober, I still want a drink or 8. I want it with my whole body. I crave it. (Even though, truth be told, it might be more of a pregnancy craving at this point–amaretto poured over vanilla ice cream and sliced peaches? Don’t mind if I do, right after I drink this here case of Coronas. At 6:00. In the morning.)

Things that are true all the time but most especially to me right now:

  • I have something in common with Pope Francis: we both fall short. How awesome is that? So not awesome–stay with me here. Me, my parents, my sisters, Bill Gates, random bum on the street–it doesn’t matter how much college we finished or what job we have or how well-behaved our children are or that we only drive a maximum 5 miles over the speed limit but never in a residential area. It doesn’t matter how much money we donate to charity or how many times we volunteer at church. God is not interested in how bomb we are at keeping His commandments if there is nothing in our hearts to signify we are doing it out of love for Him–and believe me, He knows. A little Romans 3:22-24 action says this: “...This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew or Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
  • God never stops working on me ever. Even if I’d been hopelessly devoted to Jesus for the past 30 years (I haven’t), God still has something He wants to school me at. Hard. And the thing is, I don’t have to go on a mission trip halfway across the world to learn–God can reveal things to me in the most unexpected, mundane ways…and at the most inconvenient times. Specifically, I’m learning patience and love and understanding and the value of keeping promises this summer, all through the challenging privilege of babysitting. God is making His point by using a six-year-old to drop me and break me, and rank me across burning coals dipped in acid.

So, enough with the bulleted non-list. I’m just gonna ramble from here on out. To recap, I’m tired and I want a drink–of course right now is the perfect time for God to show me things and test me and grow me and you know what? I needed it–yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Example: my daughter’s softball team is pretty beast. They win every game they play. But do they stop working hard just because they’re awesome? No. They are constantly practicing, going over every single thing from stealing and sliding to the more in-depth rules of the game to basic throwing and catching. They have not gotten cocky even towards the end of an amazing season. They’re finishing strong.

That’s kind of what I’d like to be doing.

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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