the faint of heart

That awkward moment when you realize everything you did or didn’t do for your first kid was totally wrong and they hate you for it, and so you vow that you’ll be different with your other kids, and you are…and then they hate you for it.


In a less awkward moment, I think I passed my 3-hour glucose tolerance test. In your face, gestational diabetes! I can grow ten-pound babies without you!

I am more tired these past few days than I have ever been before–like weak, and breathless. I be zombie-shuffling everywhere. Coffee won’t even help. My arms are too heavy to lift and my head is always pounding. If I stare right through you in public and mumble something about craving  shrimp and bananas, or that my Old Navy flip-flops are choking my feet, please ignore me and bless my heart. My third trimester is upon me.

Caleb’s big fat dislocated toe is no longer dislocated. He is on the mend. He’s still taking it easier than usual, which is good, because as far as I’m concerned he has no more business being anywhere near a ladder–which, coincidentally, is exactly where I think he’s at as we speak. Pretty sure.

We did some work on the house yesterday, installing little plug boxes and marking where we want light switches. We got the exquisite privilege of being out there during a freak thunderstorm, and–SURPRISE!–discovered a few horrific leaks that would have gone otherwise undetected, probably until after we had the electric wiring and drywall all snuggly in place. Which is a blessing. Right?

Building your own house: I am out of words. Completion and move-in dates are postponed until 2018. For the first time in this whole process, I am discouraged enough to wonder if we should be doing this at all. I have a giant tape-wormy baby inside me, I don’t have the energy to keep our current house in order, and Caleb is an invalid.

I voiced these concerns to the kids.

Mia: “Oh, yes. I am stressed out, too. Like, in a couple months, I will be starting at a whole new school and I’m worried about making new friends. And also, I miss Cheyenne so much. And sleeping in my own room by myself gets really lonely.”

Merrick: “I know! And it’s been a really, really long time since I’ve tried lobster!”

The injustice.

I can always count on family to relate.


About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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