Hanging In There

You all will have to forgive me, mainly because my computer exploded and I’m now typing blogs from my phone, which is a new and different experience for me–but I do love the comfortability that laying in my bed blogging on my phone achieves.

The other reason I beg your forgiveness is because I’m just downright cranky and crampy and contracty and cussy…and sore and exhausted and miserable, and basically just every way you’d expect a 37-and-a-half weeks pregnant woman to feel at the end of August.

Just so you know, I really am trying to love God and love others while I ooze Christ-likeness everywhere I waddle pitifully.

It is hard even under ordinary circumstances.

And then there are the standard family updates: Caleb has gone off the deep end trying to get the farmhouse to a good stopping point. Cheyenne is living it up in college with an allegedly janksy cell phone that she can neither call nor text from. Mia has become quite the reader (finally!) during this social pause as she adjusts to a new school and a new circle of school-day friends. Merrick is now obsessed with learning complicated basketball tricks, and gets in the car everyday red-faced and sweaty and totally happy. Everyone is settling into a great routine. We will most likely make the big move next month–just because switching houses with a newborn baby is exactly the kind of zany activity that appeals to us, and we’re always on the lookout for the next most stressful thing we can think of.

The baby: some of my close friends may already know her by name, so I feel compelled to share what we DIDN’T end up going with and why:

Harbor: this was my absolute favorite name, because of, you know, ocean stuffs and cozy safe places. I think it had really grown on Caleb too. But alas–I know of about 15 Harpers being born this year alone, and I was worried that a little Harbor would spend all her waking hours correcting people who called her the wrong name. No Harbor for Toni.

Meadow: This name–surprisingly–did not crack my top five this time around. Caleb was all the sudden stuck on it, even though I’ve been pushing it for as long as we’ve been partners in procreation. I guess my hippy artists vibes have finally rubbed off on him! But I thought the triple-threat “M” names (Mia, Merrick, Meadow) would have been too forced and cutesy, so I finally cut it out of my head. It now belongs to a future dog or maybe even a chicken. We’ll see.

Annabel, Juliet, Caroline, and Susannah: Here’s where I throw everyone for a loop–these were the bomb-diggity aces up my sleeve. Caleb could not possibly turn these classic cuties down. I was being so normal with these choices! So refined! And sensible! But my awesome hubster knows my heart even when I don’t; and this short list was a complete and epic no-go from the get-go as far as he was concerned.

Which brings me to one of our last choices: Lucy. When Caleb brought it up, I wanted it. So bad. “Are we getting a Lucy in September?” he asked on at least one occasion. As heartbreaking as it was to shoot that dream down, in the end I just could not do it–not after imagining a daughter with dark curls and big brown eyes and that name, about 4 years ago. So, no Lucy for Toni, either–at least, not one that I can hold just yet.

Next week we will get to meet and welcome a new member of our family. I can’t wait to see what she looks like, and hear her cry. And watch those little legs that must be so flipping strong by now. My life: awesome at being hot, sweaty, and amazing all at once.

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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