It’s almost here, fall is. Because today is the first day that temperatures are not rivaling the surface of the sun–and of course, my kids are fresh out of cool-weather clothes that cover their ankles and forearms.

So yesterday me and Arbor miraculously pulled ourselves together in less than 4 hours and ventured into town for a little hoodie shopping. Arbor was looking super-fly in a preciously pink ensemble complete with a matching up-cycled headband; I was stylin’ in my 3-day old bed-head ponytail, nursing tank, and surprisingly, my pre-pregnancy (ahem, stretchy) jeans. I’ve never been one for looking good that first week out after giving birth, but darn it, I was excited about dem jeans! I swaggered my way around Kohl’s, looking to score the perfect jackets for the perfect price for the perfect kids with the perfect mom.

Except Kohl’s doesn’t have big carts that one can stick an infant carrier in. And I forgot the stroller at home. And so I carried Arbor. And shopped. And sweated. And my legs hurt. And those jeans started to feel a little (a lot) snugger than they originally felt when I left the house. And with the baby cuddled up close to my chest I started to leak all over the place. And then she pooped, like, big time.

I knew I was covered in all kinds of bodily fluids by the end of our shopping excursion; I did not realize until after I had paid for the jackets and changed Arbor’s diaper in the backseat that I forgot to zip my fly.

And that, ladies and gentlemen is the way of the first outing: tricky and usually less adorable than you hope.

But at least my kids are warm today.

I’m so winning Mother of the Year.


About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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