Another day, another dog mess. I swear, Smokey can’t make it through one 24-hour period without puking grass. I hope this is not a permanent thing that he does in his old age, but a random trick he’s pulling to gross me out and piss me off since he knows I’m trying to keep the house clean. Either way, he’ll become a fully-outside dog real fast if he keeps it up. My house smells unimaginable. Gah.

I’ve lost 8 lbs with my cough of insanity. Plus I sound like J-Law, so I’ve been running around the house in my flu clothes and unkempt hair, feeling super sick but also sexy and badass.

I’m working on a bible study which is written in the most treacherous churchy lingo. I almost can’t even.

THE OFFENSE: ” I love when God challenges me with hard things because it just makes me want to obey him more and I love challenges and obeying and I was saved when I was two years old and God’s grace is immensely immense as the immenseness of the immensity of the ocean waves of salvation and I obey it all because I have a general understanding of lamb’s blood which I wash myself in daily.”

THE PROBLEM: I have a strong urge to stab myself in the face, slowly, with a pencil, while reading it.

THE SOLUTION: This is tough. Quitting is not an option because 1) Jesus and His father, God. 2) That is just what the lady who writes the bible study would want. 3) No it’s not. 4) She probably wrote it out of love and stuff. 5) I could pull my head out of my butt for 2 minutes and see what I might learn from someone with more biblical knowledge than me. 6) Because nothing really fantastic has ever come from me bucking a good system.

I fight authority; authority always wins. Especially when authority is God.

I am struggling lately to relax.


…which coincidentally was exactly what this past week’s lesson was about. Philippians 4:6 says “Stop being anxious about stuff and just pray in all situations, and go ahead and be thankful because God has your back.” Or something to this effect. And I would do well to remember it, especially with all the chaos going down in our lives–and we all know how well I handle chaos.


Relax and let God. That IS the solution, right there in this bible study’s ridonkulous language.

So here is my prayer that I pray with thanksgiving: If I retain any one bible verse from the next several weeks, let it be this one. Let me repeat it over and over in my J-Law voice until it’s burned into my brain and programmed into my ligaments. Let me ignore this bible-study-author’s perceived annoyingness, and let me learn from her words that I know hold vast amounts of wisdom. Let me not sour these lessons with my anxiety and my inexplicable need to rebel for no reason. And then, let me be a li’l spoonful of sugar while I share the take-away.

And please also let Arbor access the cooperative genes she’s gotten from her daddy, long enough to let me get a handle on shutting up and trusting God.



About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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