We do. 4 of them. We can’t stop buying them. They’re addictive. They’re like, the crystal meth of farm animals. If ducks were illegal and guaranteed to make me age 30 years overnight? I would still hunt them down in the sketchiest warehouse and gladly fork over however much money it took. They’re so cute I could just snort them all up.
Holy crap, ducks. Who knew?
It started yesterday afternoon when my husband went insane and started conspiring with Mia to get me to Atwoods. But I was onto their little game and I stood firm, like I always do in the face of peer pressure, and I said “No. Have you lost your mind? We cannot. We have no place to put them. We have no time to take care of them. This is stupid. This idea is literally the worst. I’m drawing the line. No farm animals until after we’ve settled into the new house.”
Mia, Merrick: “Aw, look at the little ducks all cuddled up together Mom!”
Me: “Ok, let’s get a duck.”
Caleb: “Let’s get two ducks.”
Me: “No! Caleb! We can’t! We shouldn’t! There’s no room, no time…”
My family: “Yes, let’s do it anyway, rational thought be damned!”
Me: “Ok! Two ducks it is!”
Meet Caesar, named after the boss monkey in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and Finn, short for Finley and inspired by the psychotic boy-hero from Adventure Time.
They are darling.
So when Caleb had this conversation with me before my morning coffee, I was receptive:
Him: “I wonder if we should go back and get that black duckling.”
Me: “Couldn’t hurt to see if it’s still even there.”
Him: “And if it is still there you might as well buy it.”
Me: “Might as well.”
Him: “And if they have another one you might as well get that one too.”
Me: “It is only logical.”
And so I had 2 more ducks by 10 a.m.
Pancake and Carl have taken up residence with the others. Our duck squad is living it up in the most giant Rubbermaid bin known to man, along with a heat lamp, a shallow pan of water, and lots of soft, fluffy towels. Because nothing says “buy my house” quite like a bathroom full of water fowl.
But the kids are entranced, and Caleb’s soul is straight-up lifted. I am in love with these animals. I don’t know how exactly they’re going to fit into our lives. Have we gone crazy? I think the answer is clear: YES. But who cares? We will make it work. Because ducks.