raw

So that last post eh? Painted a gorgeous picture of life as I know it, minus the duck poop and in case I forgot to mention it: OMG duck poop. I dream about it, and not in the fun way.

I…am not really sure where I was going with this.

Being Toni with adorable children and duckies and a new house is awesome, I will say that much–but I am battling right now, like in the realest “For NARNIA!” type of way. Battling for everything: my health, my time, my parenting, and my marriage.

This has been one of the busiest, saddest, loneliest, and hardest years, mainly because I am a little crazy. 

Everything comes at a price: building this house has put me and Caleb in a place I never thought we’d be. Taking care of a baby has zapped me of energy that would normally have gone toward taking care of myself. And juggling a million different activities has taken a toll on all my other relationships, including my relationship with God.

Lest anyone thinks I am a poser, let me state for the record that I am hanging by a thread, despite social media impressions. I am trying to focus on the positives, thus the green grass posts and the smile on my face when I’m around people that I love–because those are wonderful things and I really do get an obscene amount of joy from them.

I’m also trying to scale back on stuffs, which is hard because everything I would love to squeeze in is good and important and fun–but not necessarily beneficial to the continuation of my sanity, and I don’t say that to be funny. 

My prayers are simple and primal and they come straight from my very guts–but I take some comfort knowing that to Him, they are precious and they are heard.

You guys, I know I’m not the only one.

Life is hard but I think most of us will look back and remember way more good than bad, overall. In the grand scheme of things, my problems are trivial and small, and I have the resources to get through them with relative ease. There are so many reasons to be thankful.

 

  

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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