day four

It’s been a hectic week here in Oklahoma. Here I am, thinking about 90% of my life right now:

And that’s the second best strategy I’ve got. No one ever accused me of having a big bag of tricks.

But hey. God is good. He is so good.

When I’m laying awake at 2 a.m. and thunder is violently rattling the windows, God is good.

When I can’t move my legs or find the strength to get of bed, God is good.

When watching the news scares me and war rages and people hurt each other, God is still good.

When Arbor gut-screams for no reason at all except for to break me down, God is good.

When Caleb and I fight and thrash and rage, God is good.

When I’m ugly crying in my closet, He is good.

When unimaginably horrible circumstances surround me and cloud my thoughts and threaten to physically consume me and when there is nothing about the foreseeable future that doesn’t look hopeless and bleak: God is good.

Also when the sun comes up so gloriously after a long night, He is good.

When I pick my cuddly adorable smiling baby girl out of bed every morning God is good.

When I can finally see a glimpse of my smile and my spunk in Mia’s freckled, grinning face, God is good.

When three year old angels come to me and lavish me with hugs just because and they pet my hair and tell me “You’re so pretty Miss Toni,” God is good.

When my son sneaks up and takes my hand while I’m silently crying in the bathroom and says “I want to say a prayer with you,” with tears in his own eyes, God is good.

When Caleb and I sit out and connect under a zillion sparkly stars and I know that we are being watched after, God is good.

When a friend holds me up in everything sense of the phrase, God is good, good, good.

When I can feel peace and strength from the prayers going up for me, God is amazing.

When I remember His promises–and the bible is full of wonderful promises from God–and I remember “this is not a dead God who can’t hear me and can’t see me“.

This is a living God who plays an active role in every minute of every day, through every gentle happy moment and through every wretched hot tear that falls down my cheeks. He is alive and He works all things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) He is alive and though we may not see or understand the way He works, we know that He is working, and His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8). He is alive and he will not let us go through pain without something beautiful new being born from it. (Isaiah 66:9) He is alive and He died for this pain and He experienced complete and utter anguish because of evil and He blew it out of the water which He walked on top of with His own two feet. (THE NEW FREAKING TESTAMENT: ALL OF IT.)

He is God and He is good.


About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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