Another day, another delicious coffee I didn’t drink because DIETING, which sucks a big fat one, and by big fat one I of course mean salad which is disgusting at this point and completely unexciting and I want to die.
I crave me some carbs.
Like, so much.
Also, anxiety: that time it physically kicked my butt.
Y’all. Y’ALL! I’ve staved off no less than 80 panic attacks in the past 24 hours alone, which should give me a total gurl-power high, but alas: my heart has permanently grown fifteen sizes and relocated to my throat, and my lungs beat now, too, and I’ve convinced everyone that I’m crawling with scabies. Probably.
Just in case you ever wondered what it was like to have the anxiety.
It would seem that such a condition would burn mass amounts of calories but? Apparently all this time I sit around letting air in and out of my lungs does not qualify as exercise.
So I talk to God the Almighty:
Me: “So God, I take it you know about the thing.”
God: “I know about all the things, Toni.”
Me: “I’m talking about THE THING though.”
God: “Yes, Toni, I know.”
Toni: “So you do know.”
God: “Yupper-do! And let me ask you something: have all the hours you’ve spent worrying about any of the things done one ounce of good for you? Has it done one ounce of anything for you?”
Me: “No, but I–”
Me: “But just–”
Okay so God is not Dr. Evil but I do need to zip it, because the bible is so right all the dang time, and whenever my body can’t stop focusing on all the feelings, and all the reasons all the feelings are valid, God says these things:
HE KNOWS: “Lord, You have searched me and known me. you know when I sit down and when I stand up; You understand my thoughts from far away. You watch my travels and my rest; You are aware of all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, You know all about it Lord. You have encircled me; You have placed Your hand on me.” Psalm 139: 1-5.
I used to put my hand on my babies when they slept in my bed and I wanted to know everything about them like how fast they’re breathing or if they move two inches or they felt .1 degree warmer or cooler than they had the second before. God has His hand on me, and it’s a righteous hand if I ever saw one.
HE CARES: “For the eyes of the Lord run back and forth over the whole earth, to give support to those whose hearts are completely His.” 2 Chronicles 16:9.
“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28.
HE IS ABLE: “And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8.
HE HAS A PURPOSE: “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God; those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
Can we just? Let’s sit here and thank God for being a God who cares. Just that by itself is comforting to me. God–the one who literally put stars in the sky, who carved out the Grand Canyon, who meticulously put together each individual human being ever to walk to face of this planet–THAT GOD–He loves each of us enough to not sit on some high-up fluffy God-cloud, ignoring our insignificant selves and our insignificant problems. He sits up and pays attention, watches us with interest from the time we stand up in the morning to the time we lay down at night and all the hours in between.
“For since He Himself was tested and suffered, He is able to help those who are tested.” Hebrews 2:18.
When we are hurting, we can go to Him because guess what? He has experienced that hurt and He hates it and He doesn’t want us to shoulder these troubles alone. He’s got the experience, the knowledge and the know-how to get us through even the most intense pain life can throw at us. We can seriously overcome all kinds of crap with Jesus’s help.
And the next time I’m feeling anxious (6.2 seconds from now), I’m going to repeat these verses. Because God is a good God, and I might be a hot human mess, but He can handle whatever I happen to be obsessing about.
Take a deep breath, guys. He’s got you.