Hate. Elves.

Somebody please kill me, please, really, I’m serious. I’m kicking myself for ever buying into the whole Elf on a Shelf thing.

 Here’s the deal at our house: a few years back, all Mia’s friends had elves and she became obsessed and she was so cute that we caved; Kevin was an instant hit among the eight-and-under crowd. He was even kind of fun for me and Caleb…for about thirteen days. And then our elf got craptastically boring.

I can’t say I wasn’t warned.

Kevin got less and less awesome with each passing year. Somedays he didn’t move at all. He certainly didn’t zipline across the kitchen on a candy-cane-and-licorice harness.

This year Mia is up-to-speed on her knowledge of the Elves, though it doesn’t really inspire her to help out with Kevin–I wake up late every morning in a (slight) panic and run to see what kind of activities he can get into for the day. There’s a lot of prim shelf-sitting going on except for yesterday when Caleb was in charge:

(Kevin: “I love you guys. You’rrrrre my best frrriends. OMG that baby is soooo cute, kinda looksssss like Jesus, huh? HICCUP!”)

Lazy bum.

Merrick is at about a .09% when it comes to caring about the elf. Arbor is too young to notice, so the questions remain: Should we continue this trickery that tricks no one and only makes our lives more complicated? Or should we quit while we’re ahead and spare Arbor ten years of unmet elven expectations and disappointment?

Can I quit Santa Claus too while I’m at it? Because that guy is one stressful, glory-hogging bat turd if I’m being honest.


About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

One response to “Hate. Elves.

  • bellaball

    What’s sad is – never had that when my kids were little but last year my daughter wanted one and thought cool I’ll do it for her next year when she is a senior in high school. Well I always put tree up weekend after Thanksgiving but we had rain all weekend so no going out back to storage shed. So needless to say elf is still siting in box on shelf.

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