The Best Thing You’ll Swallow in 2016

I know tomorrow’s New Year’s Day and we’ll all be on the same stupid health kick we go on every January so I’ll cut to the chase: if you’re gonna cheat–and we all know you’re gonna cheat–make it count. What I’m about to tell you will count–all 70,000 calories of it. Rest assured, it will count.

A friend of mine does these “Make it Monday” posts, so I’m stealing her idea and giving you the gift of soup–you know, in honor of Thunder Thighs Thursday (not to be confused with Feed-Your-Face Friday, Snarf-it Sunday or Weight Gain Wednesday.) Soup so beautiful, it’ll literally make you weep.

This is the soup I like to call “the ace up my sleeve.” It is the little black dress of recipes. Your husband will praise you at the city gates and your children will rise up and call you blessed, and, I can’t back this up, but there might be rubies involved.

You’re welcome.

Sausage Tortellini Soup

You will need:

•Five fat mild Italian sausages

•Two tablespoons olive oil

•Two or three heaping tablespoons of minced garlic

•A whole pack of green onions, chopped

•2 large sized can of whole plum tomatoes, mashed up with your hands

•1 regular sized can of diced tomatoes

•1/2 to 3/4 cup of traditional Prego sauce

•1 tablespoon basil

•2 tablespoons EACH of: oregano, thyme, salt,  and pepper

•4 cups chicken broth

•5-6 cups water

•2 cups heavy cream

•One package of Buitoni three-cheese tortellini (you can find this in a refrigerated/specialty cheese section of the grocery store.)

•1/3 box of ziti pasta

Now. Let Gloriousness ensue.

•Fry up the sausages in a pan. Slice them and put them back in said pan in all their unhealthy but delicious drippings, off the burner.

•In a big fat giant pot, heat up the olive oil and dump in the garlic. Cook it for a few minutes. Then add the onions and cook those for a few minutes.

•Then dump in the tomatoes and Prego sauce and let them cook on medium heat for about 5 minutes.

•Add all the spices.

•Then stir in the chicken broth and water. Cook for around five minutes.

•Next stir in the heavy cream. Five minutes.

•Now add in the sausage and all the awesome sausage gunk. Stir it all up good and cook it on low to medium heat for 30-40 minutes.

•Crank the heat back up ever so slightly. Dump in the tortellini and ziti and cook until it is done, about 7-8 minutes.

•Take soup off the heat and let it cool for safety’s sake and don’t let anyone get near it because they WILL try to eat it and they WILL scald their mouths.

•Eat in a bowl with a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese and prepare for the inevitable gush of admiration and appreciation, because it is coming.

This soup right here is the mother freaking bomb:

  

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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