The Trenches, Part II

You know how after you have a baby and that baby is so sleepy and so sweet and cuddly and everyone is just ooooohing and ahhhhing over her and big sister is loving and protective the entire family is stuck in what seems like a perpetual honeymoon phase, but you just sitting there waiting for the other shoe to drop cause you KNOW it’s going to drop?

It dropped. It dropped today. It dropped hard. These pictures won’t reveal the truth: she just spent twenty solid minutes trying to see if my ears will actually bleed.


And you know how you’re the exhausted mother of a newborn but your husband still wants dinner and sex and clean clothes and semi-intelligent conversation not involving the color of someone’s poop, and you can’t remember if it’s been 3 days or 4 days since you’ve had a shower, or the last time you made you kid wear pants?

And when every breath breathed about “sleeping when the baby sleeps” makes you feel unnaturally violent, and NO, you can’t take a nap because you’ve got clothes to leave in the washing machine for three days, and who else is gonna take an hour to style your preschooler’s hair into braids that would make the Mother of Dragons jealous?

I think we’re there. Arbor is experimenting with outright defiance. Mia and Merrick are battling late-summer angst, AND EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE ROTTING MILK–pls send help.

Those days you text your BFF and ask her, “Is this normal? Are your kids insane too? Tell me it’s just a phase, and that you’re handling this as poorly as I am.”

And she promptly and knowingly responds with a story about the time her kid got a hold of black nail polish during naptime, and assures “I barely survive, and you’re not alone.”

May every mom be blessed with a best mom-friend:

And may every wife know the love of a husband who still finds her at least mildly attractive even after she has given birth to five children.

And may I also suggest I take about 45 deep breaths and give thanks for these sweet little souls, however strong-willed they may be? I am bone-dog tired but I still love being a wife and a mother, especially to this crazy crew:

For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and keep you from going completely off the deep end. But it’s going to be like, so hard–harder than anything you’ve ever done. Have patience and lean on me and your reward will be great–but oh yeah it won’t be like a reward like applause or new cars or even a yearly pedicure so get that out of your mind. Love your family and teach them about Me, and you will be richly rewa–is that your daughter running bare-butted through the front yard wearing a winter coat that’s too small and using your comb to brush the dog?

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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