Exhausted Sighs all around

Heads up mothers: it’s Valentine’s Day. My husband hit it out of the park and actually remembered this year, so that’s something. Arbor is off-the-charts loco on chocolate kisses already, and I straight-up wowed my fam with breakfast muffins from Walmart this morning, so the bar is most definitely set unrealistically high for next February.

And, oh hey, fellas, tho? A pro-tip: BUY THE CRAP. Send the flowers. She wants the lame card and the box of chocolates. If all her friends at work were jumping off a bridge holding a dozen red roses, then YES, she wants to do it too. If you are married you must do this. Make or break, every single year. Toe the line, fools. It’s Valentine’s Day. Don’t screw it up.

Ditto for birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas.

Sometimes it’s okay to spend money on stupid stuff like babysitters and taking her out to dinner.

February 14th, 2018, in Oklahoma got me like:

I cannot shake this strep throat. It is damp and gray outside, and there is no end to this fake-winter in sight (71 degrees in February in Oklahoma? That groundhog got bogus intel.)

Caleb and I have planned a trip to New Mexico. Roswell and Carlsbad Caverns National Park made the itinerary, in addition to a hiking day in the Guadalupe Mountains, and we are pumped as junk. I can’t even stand myself, I’m so ready to get my shoes dirty, plus? ALIENS.

It suddenly occurred to me that I can do some local light hiking with Arbor and Lucy during the day and be back before the big kids are out of school, but I’m afraid of mountain lions; plus with a baby strapped to the front of me and an 80-pound preschooler hanging on to the back of me, I might require assistance or at least some encouraging words as I navigate slightly rugged terrain. Is there anyone alive out there who is interested in a day hike every now and then with my small kids in tow?

Which leads me to my next thought: how ’bout a moms’ group? And I mean a hardcore moms’ group. Requirements:

1) must have at least four children

2) must get minimal to zero help from grandparents, aunts, or uncles with aforementioned four or more children; i.e. No date nights, “me” time, etc.

3) must not remember the last time you did your hair or even showered alone.

4) must look like a model from Faces of Meth

5) must be ok with a moms’ group that thinks about planning cool stuff but meets never because we always have to cancel since someone is always sick and/or it’s just too much work to get everyone in one location, at one time, on time.

If interested, don’t call me, cause a moms’ group like this is a possibility in theory only, but please, do know that I stand with you in my own house swarming with jammy-wearing, strep-toting children.

Pro-tip, moms of a million: buy your own flowers, take the kids hiking, call your friends, and enjoy being alive on God’s green earth. It’s a great day.

About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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