Harsh realities

Today I ate cold, leftover hamburger meat, straight out of the ziplock baggie I found it in, for breakfast at noon, and then washed it down with almost a half gallon of whole milk. I spent the next hour laying down, trying to decide between a nap or a barf sesh.

And that should pretty much tell you everything you need to know about week 14 of a twin pregnancy.

Y’all I can’t move. And I’m cool with that. I have zilch energy. Clothes are fitting funky.

It’s happening.

And it’s finally sunk in: two babies. Two sets of clothes. Two cradles. Industrial-strength breast pumps. A complete tear-down and reorganization of Lucy’s soon-to-be-old room. A major shuffle in the upstairs room. Boxes. Paint. Freezer meals. So many freezer meals.

My dream goal is to complete all physical tasks by mid-October, when, I’m to understand, I’ll be too huge to think straight. And, if things go as they customarily do in my house, our to-do list will be complete by 2021.

Some things I’ve learned about being pregnant with twins:

•Don’t Google twin pregnancy bellies.

•Take naps. If you can’t sleep, take a nap. If the kids won’t sleep, take a nap. If you want to survive at all, take a nap.

•Eat. Because if you don’t…(*shudders*)

•Try not to get stung by a wasp on your arm while you’re obsessively counting the apples on your apple trees for the third time in one day, because then you might get a terrible localized allergic reaction and have to go to urgent care and get a shot in your butt.

•I’m still in denial that I’m probably headed to urgent care for a butt shot.

•Maybe don’t chug a half-gallon of whole milk.

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About Toni

Mom. Wife. Artist. I take care of the kids and pretend to clean sometimes. I can cook spagetti and I have never been arrested. View all posts by Toni

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