Tag Archives: marriage

welcome to the suck.

I had the *best* week ever.

It started off right with a baby-less due date. Things did take a very promising turn when my friends snagged me away for a morning of pedicures, lunch, coffee, and window shopping.

And then.

Then.

Then I pissed off my husband in such a way that it’s a wonder he acknowledges my presence.

I don’t say that because I want sympathy or I want to talk about why our fight started. I say that because married people mess up. They hurt each other sometimes. And they argue. And they don’t always see eye to eye. And they make mistakes–or in my case, failures. And they lose their tempers. And they get annoyed and upset and sad, and every other emotion that you can think of.

Being married is not always fun or romantic. It’s really, really hard to be a godly wife or husband when you’re seething mad at one another. It’s even harder when you have to put on a smiley face and go out into the world and be around people together, or worse–out into the living room and be in front of your kids together.

We’re going on day 6 of crankiness, snappy-attitudes, frowny-faces, and crossed arms. But God has a wicked sense of humor–I know for a fact that He has fun jacking with me and Caleb. Case in point: yesterday afternoon we discovered that we had lice all up in my house–specifically on me and one of my children. And also the dogs got sprayed by a skunk. Again.

Awesome.

So guess who stayed up until 2:30 a.m. greasing and de-licing my head? Through his anger, straight through his disappointment and irritation–Caleb tenderly and patiently picked nits and bugs out of my slimy hair for 3 hours. You know–kind of how Christ loves the church and stuff.

Pretty sure God is laughing so hard He shot Cherry Coke out of his nose. I’m also pretty sure God drinks Cherry Coke.

It is purely by His grace that the two of us are still married. The short version of our life together so far? 5 horrible years of an alcohol-fueled hell, followed by weight gain and weight loss, anxiety and depression, craniosynostosis and skull surgeries, medical bills and layoffs, 2 lost babies and several royal screw-ups by yours truly.

We are here.

Sometimes it feels like we are out in the deep, deep ocean and the waves are slamming us down under the surface and we’re getting saltwater shoved up our noses and our eyes sting, and whenever we’re able to come up for air, rain is coming down as hard as it can, and we can barely breathe or stay afloat.

Sometimes the waves are just choppy enough to be adventurous and fun.

And sometimes the ocean is calm and glass-like and we can see our toes underwater and enjoy the sunset.

Our marriage is always changing. We are always changing. I can’t say I don’t hope the worst is behind us. Hard times suck. But we don’t call it quits when we’re in a storm–we hold onto each other tighter.

For better or for worse.

….

So to recap, my husband is aggravated with me, my parents will be here in a week, I have lice, and my house smells like skunk. This is real life. One day, when the water is calm again, I’ll laugh my head off about it.

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Never Leave Your Ten-Cow Woman Behind.

I have blender lust.

I could blend a flippin’ tree in this bad boy.

I’ve become obsessed with the Blendtecs Super-Duper Blender. I’ve been using my bobo blender twice a day on average, for the past 3 months. I quit coffee and I quit soda and I quit junk food. I started walking and running and lifting weights and now I’m giving bicycling a try. And I’ve lost about 35 pounds.

I don’t look as awesome as I feel, but that’s because I feel pretty dang awesome. And I feel pretty dang awesome because I? Am a lucky girl. Look at this business:

Oh my God, my husband is a hottie.And you know what else? He’s committed to loving me and helping me, even if I look and act like Chris Farley in a dress.

“My beloved is mine and I am his…” Song of Solomon 2:16 KJV

I was designed to be his helper, his partner. I was designed to support him and encourage him and serve him and love him.

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.” Ephesians 5: 22-24, The Message

And in return, that man–my Caleb–loves me like freaking Jesus loves the Church.

“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.” Ephesians 5:25-28, The Message

I listen to a lot of radio broadcasts on Christian networks, and I happened to catch a man called Tony Evans talking about how husbands should satisfy their wives. “Awesome,” I thought, and I cranked up the volume. Here’s a butchered version of a story he told:

A man had 2 daughters: 1 young and voluptious, beautiful, desirable. The other was older and kind of haggard and would clearly not be any man’s first choice. In that day, if you wanted to marry a pretty lady, you had to show up with some serious livestock. One day, a rich man from another town came with a herd of ten cows. The father with 2 daughters was all like, “Get ready, hot daughter. Someone is coming to marry you!” But instead of choosing the younger, more beautiful daughter, the man chose the older daughter, saying “She is worth 10 cows to me.” The father said, “Okay, whatevs!” and married off his older daughter to the rich man. Several months later he visited this daughter and her new husband, and the change in her was phenomenal–she was gorgeous and glowing and did not even resemble the fugly old woman she used to be. Her husband was treating her like a 10-cow kind of girl, so she started dressing, acting, and feeling the part.

So touching. So true. What tremendous power a woman’s husband has over her in this way! Instead of racing home to tell Caleb all the stuff he needed to start doing for me, I boo-hooed right there in the car, so grateful that my God-given partner was already a man that puts his needs and desires aside on a daily basis to give me this kind of love, respect and encouragement.

When I was a raging alcoholic, he made it his mission to help dry me out. When I was an aspiring painter, he bought me supplies and gave me time alone with a canvas. When I was wore slap out from taking care of babies, Caleb changed the diapers and wiped the boogers and did the laundry and cooked the dinner.

When I was depressed and unhappy with my body, when I was tired and drained and crying and pinching my fat rolls in the bathroom, and not smiling because I thought it made my face look chubby, Caleb stepped in and said “Let’s do this together.”

He chugged health shakes. He took horse vitamins. He got up at the butt-crack of dawn every morning and ran three miles with me, waiting for me, staying with me, pushing me–sometimes literally. He shouted encouraging words. He spotted me while I struggled with light weights. He counted my sit-ups. He shushed my self-defeating talk. He celebrated my tiny victories.

Even though he had not an ounce of fat on his body that he needed to lose; even though he still looks as gorgeous as the day I met him; He did these things. If we are partners–and we are–then he takes seriously the mantra of never leaving your partner behind.

He’s not perfect by any means, and neither am I. But where I am weak, Caleb is strong. When he’s sad, I cheer him up. When I’m stressed, he is calming. When his world is going crazy, well…I try to be the least crazy version of myself.

Couples all around me, even my own parents, make marriage look so effortless, but I assure you: it’s one of the hardest things ever. I know for a fact that Caleb and I would be divorced today if it weren’t for God stepping in and taking charge of a situation that was out of control. Through His guiding Spirit, His words in the bible, and through the encouragement of Christian friends around us, we are still married.

And I’m happier than I’ve ever, ever been.

Not because I lost weight. Not because I get to stay home and teach art classes and paint until my heart’s content. Not because I get the occasional break from chores or because I have a nice house and I sometimes get to buy new shoes for no reason.

But because my husband values me as, and treats me like, a 10-Cow Woman. And I? Am beyond motivated to be that woman.

The Blendtecs Super-Duper Blender can’t hurt my cause, either. Goal weight: meet husband. Husband, meet goal weight. Blendtecs now–you’ll thank yourself later.


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